


Aquamarine Blue

by T4kara



Category: Infinite (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-04 10:43:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/T4kara/pseuds/T4kara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>When the world is full of colours, we tend not to see them. When the world is full of sounds we are so fond of listening to, we tend not to hear them. </p>
</div><div class="center">
  <p>All we see is black and white; we are deaf.</p>
</div><div class="center">
  <p>When there are people earning our trust, we tend to give in easily.</p>
</div><div class="center">
  <p>But indeed, we need to be careful who to trust; even the devil was once an angel.</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. Smiling

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my works I'm working on on Asianfanfics.com and from there I also have a wonderful poster for which I infinitely thank **[kmaniac](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/27603)** & her wonderful **[|| f o o t p r i n t s. 2nd. POSTER. REQUEST. SHOP ||](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/206886/f-o-o-t-p-r-i-n-t-s-2nd-poster-request-shop-open-graphics-korean-kpop-poster-request)**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it's about the eyes.

 

 

 

Rays of sunlight were poking through the remaining, almost dead leaves of the tree he stood under. He couldn’t help but look up, observing the sudden rarity that hit him right in the eyes. Sun indeed was strange thing, he decided; it gave life, yet if Earth’s orbit moved just by a tiny bit everything would gradually die either in unbearable heat or equally terrible cold.

Even with the sun being there for the first time after what had seemed like a millenium to him, his world was still unbelievably dark. Somehow though, he liked it that way.

He stood away from everyone, from all those pathetic bastards that dared to call themselves his friends and family. He almost found it amusing; to him, his family had always consisted of only one person and his friends were clever enough to figure out he’d want to be alone at such an occasion; which was also a reason why he couldn’t spot any of them there.

Sometimes he caught himself wondering whether the majority of the world’s population was as simple-minded as his personal experiences and media showed or if they all were just two-faced idiots. He didn’t know, though the latter was more likely as well as sadder than the first.

With a sigh, he wiped those useless thoughts away and leaned agaist the aforementioned tree, silently watching all those poeple looking for him. It was almost sickening to see how everyone wanted so desperately to hold his hand and tell him how sorry they were with fake tears in their eyes; it nearly made him feel nauseous. He couldn’t understand this strange tradition people kept. There were even people he had never seen before, people who had never seen  _him,_  yet they still wanted him to accept their condolences.

Hypocrites, he scoffed to himself, insignificant excuses for human beings.

“Having fun?” a voice came from beside him.

He chuckled. There was his family; the one and only person he’d ever called his family.

“I am.” he replied.

As he stole a glance at his brother, he couldn’t unnotice he’d made him slightly uncomfortable with his attitude. Sassing his brother had always been one of his hobbies, however a funeral maybe wasn’t a place to having fun. But it didn’t matter anymore, did it?

“I suppose you won’t go there.” his brother commented; he could still sense that bit of irony the elder put into his words.

“Do I have a reason to go there?” he asked, becoming serious. When only rustling of leaves in the wind answered him, he smirked in victory. “I don’t. And neither do you, hyung.” he added, glancing back at the people who still didn’t seem like going away anytime soon.

Even when being the younger, he had always felt a tiny bit smarter than his brother. They had always depended on each other as they grew from boys to men. He knew that his brother knew what he was thinking, or at least he thought so. They knew each other very well, it was almost bordering with the very well-known twin telepathy despite them not being twins at all.

“Look, Woohyun. I know what you still think of her, but it’s still our  _mother_  over there. And she’s  _dead_.”

There it was. The ‘almost’ telepathy.

Woohyun didn’t even blink. “No, hyung. You just think you know what I think.”

“It’s time to forgive her, no?” the elder pressed on.

However, Woohyun was still perfectly calm.

“Don’t be like the rest.” he sighed. “Do you think that _just because_  she’s dead I should forgive her? She never took care of us, we had to raise ourselves; there’s thousand of other things she’s done wrong, we’d be still standing here tomorrow if I started to list them now. And most importantly, you know  _what_ she caused, okay? I don’t care if you forgave her,  _I_  won’t.”

“What are you doing here then?” his brother hissed, regretting it right after.

 Woohyun chuckled. “Actually, you’re right. I’m going.” he stood straight once again and glanced at his watch before turning around to going away. “I’m expecting a call from Howon anyway.”

“Wait!” the elder called. Woohyun however kept on walking. “I don’t want to fight...” he muttered to himself then, watching his brother’s retreating figure slowly disappearing behind the trees.

 

Autumn had always been Woohyun’s favourite time of year. Somehow, he felt safe under the trees as he walked away. Their colourful, mostly fallen leaves appeared to him like perfect shields protecting him from everything that could possibly want to ruin his day.  What an irony.

As time went on, he had grown quite fond of the smell and sounds of everything dying. He had never felt anyhow out of place or anything similar; he had always assumed that people disliked autumn because of its cold and damp weather, because of its icy breeze that would seep through the fabric of their clothes and take away their warmth. He never understood other people.

To his own delight however, they didn’t understand him either.

Loosening his for such an occasion too tightly tied tie once he finally sat in the safety of his car, was more than liberating. As he drove away, he literally felt every burden disappearing. Away from all those people, from his brother, from  _her._  However there still were his trains of thoughts that burdened him.

It happened often that he cursed his mind for thinking too much. Yet when we remember something we didn’t even want to think about in the first place, it won’t stop bugging our minds, will it?

 

 

> **_“_ ** _It is hard to explain in a letter why we’ve decided to end our lives; it is hard to put all the hardships we’ve been through to words. We may think that it’s better this way, that there is no purpose for us in this world anymore. There is no one to tell us otherwise._
> 
> _Life is tiring. No one waits for us to return home, no one makes us dinner or wakes up next to us. We are all so very lonely, even in the crowd that surrounds us. And we wonder, why is everyone around us happy? Why it can’t be us in their place? We wonder why it was us whom miss Fortune turned her back on?_
> 
> _We wonder, why is there no one to read our last letter?_
> 
> _Sometimes, after we’re done watching the children grow up and we give them away to the world, we think that we have done what we were supposed to do. What’s left after that? We have no one to cook for anymore, no one to send to school anymore, no one to praise and scold anymore._
> 
> _Only good old Death is waiting for us to pack our things. If we were staring Death right in the eyes, I think we would gladly give our lives away to be finally at peace._
> 
> _Now the time has finally come. As I walk through the place I’ve spent my last years at, I wonder, did you forget about me? Do you still despise me? Do I even have the right to ask?_
> 
> _I gave you life, I gave you up… I killed the child in you._
> 
> _As I walk through the place I’ve spent my last years at, I wonder, will you read my letter?”_

_He felt his brother’s hand on his shoulder as he read the letter their mother left them. Folding the paper back to its envelope, Woohyun couldn’t help but chuckle at how unhealthily ridiculous it all was. Even that envelope so didn’t go with the supposed atmosphere. It had a beautiful shade of blue; too beautiful for such a letter, he thought. Maybe though the colour of it was intentional; maybe it was supposed to lift off the sorrow the paper inside bore._

_Woohyun hated blue._

_Without sparing it another second, he threw the envelope back on the table before him and focused his attention on the man sitting across from him and his brother. Their family lawyer had always been a nice fellow; he unconsciously made it to Woohyun’s imaginary list of people he could stand. That day however, his list was completely blank. He didn’t even know why he felt like throwing bricks at everyone who spoke a word._

_“According to your mother’s will, she’s bequeathed everything she had to the two of you only.” the man eyed his papers once again, fixing his glasses. “What a woman.” he muttered to himself, before turning to the boys._

_Woohyun unwillingly twitched in his seat as he listened to the man’s rants. Apparently they had both inherited quite a fortune, however Woohyun was nothing but utterly disgusted. He didn’t need any of what their mother had left them and he knew that his brother did neither. Some things were not easily forgiven, he thought, who knew if there would even be a day when he’d be ready to forgive the one who gave him life but took it away at the same time._

_“Here, sign these.” the man shoved two papers to them. “It’s a mere formality in which you confirm that…”_

_Woohyun stopped listening already. He grabbed nearest pen, scratched down his signature and taking the copy with him, he disappeared from the office as fast as he could. He trusted the man enough therefore he even ditched reading what he’d signed. What he didn’t know though was that when he snatched the copy of the so-called ‘mere formality’, he unknowingly took the envelope with him._

 

As he drove, he occasionally glanced at the empty passenger’s seat where the very envelope was innocently placed on the top of his jacket. It’d been days since he’d had the letter with him, he didn’t even know why he hadn’t returned it the moment he’d found out he had it with him all the time.

When the thought of work waiting for him once he’d return home crept up to his mind, he almost wanted to let go of the steering wheel and let himself die in Fate’s hands. He’d had sincerely enough for that day, however there still was that expected call from Howon and Howon in Woohyun’s dictionary meant work.

Maybe though, he just shouldn’t care.

As he arrived home, he enjoyed the silence that embraced him as soon as he stepped inside. Peace was something he’d been searching for for quite a while.

_“I’ll call you on Saturday.”_

That was what Howon had said a few days before. Woohyun assumed that Howon likely did not belong to the sort of normal people who usually used weekends to relax. Yet even so, he knew that without Howon he wouldn’t have made it to the position he was in. Weekends spent drowning in phone calls and piles of papers were worth it.  

As he let his body fall on his bed, he couldn’t even think properly. That little voice that had always said his thoughts inside his head was rather slurring incoherently and if it weren’t for his cellphone suddenly going off in his pocket, Woohyun would fall asleep within seconds.

“Yeah?” he mumbled groggily to the device, holding it close to his ear.

_“You sound terrible.”_  came Howon’s immediate reaction. Woohyun could almost see him making a face, like he’d always liked to.

“I’m not accepting compliments today, Howon. Was there something you wanted to talk about?” Woohyun asked.

_“Oh, it’s nothing much. There’s a party tomorrow at my house. My brother insists on throwing it because of the contract I signed last week.”_

“Oh, right. I almost forgot you shook hands with that guy whose name I don’t remember.” Woohyun sneered. “I like your brother’s ideas though.”

_“Their company is ten times more influential than both of ours combined. I can’t complain.”_ Howon said calmly.  _“You’re coming tomorrow then?”_

“Yeah, I wanted to discuss something with you anyway.” Woohyun admitted, suddenly remembering unfinished matters that were yet to be done with his mere sign, but should not go under his hand undiscussed.

_“Great. Don’t forget to look fancy.”_  Howon chuckled.  _“And sleep some. You really sound… I don’t have a word for that.”_

“My appearance is always fancy, Lee Howon.” Woohyun laughed. “And your vocabulary is really limited, by the way.”

_“Whatever you say. See you tomorrow.”_

With that the call ended. Woohyun didn’t quite know what kind of sorcerer Howon was, but it was not the first time he felt better after talking with him and it didn’t even have to be anything personal. Howon of course knew about his mother and about her funeral that was held that very day, yet he knew Woohyun too well to know talking about her was a taboo. It had always been so.

It was always nice to have a chat with Howon, they both had gotten closer to each other over the years, though their first meeting wasn’t as pleasant. Before, Woohyun was rather rebellious soon-to-be adult, who simply liked people. Majority of people he had come to contact with had been rather outgoing and so he had let himself get carried away. Parties were something he had always liked, yet everything had its dark sides. After one rather unpleasant incident, Woohyun had met Howon who just had happened to be around.

As said before, Woohyun simply assumed that Howon was a sorcerer as the two of them becoming friends had incredible effects on him. He had distanced himself from people, watching them from afar and silently laughed at their attempts to find their purpose. They were like lost little lambs just waiting to be found. Parties had remained as his hobby though. Which was also the reason why he had accepted Howon’s invitation so quickly. The matters he needed to discuss with the latter were concerning solely their work, therefore Woohyun decided he’d finish it off at the party; kill two birds with one stone.

With a bit clearer head, he had reluctantly scrambled out of his clothes before changing into something more comfortable and going back to bed. There was no phone ringing anymore and so it took him merely five minutes to fall into deep slumber.

It was the very middle of October.

 

“I am very pleased to meet you. Such a young man and already so successful, you must have worked hard to achieve everything.”

“It’s been a long way indeed. But it wouldn’t have worked without the owner of this very house. I’m sorry, but have you seen him around? I’m looking for him for nearly half an hour already.”

“Oh dear, I think he was in the living room talking to his brother.”

“Thank you, ma’am. Meeting you was definitely my pleasure.”

“Very well. I’m looking forward to meeting you again.”

“So do I.”

Woohyun then gave his best smile to the lady and walked away, making a face as soon as he was sure she couldn’t see him. One of the cons of such parties was that there were people Woohyun didn’t know and didn’t want to know. Half of those twenty years older ladies like the one he had talked to were pretending to talk about serious business while sipping their champagne while in fact they were just gossiping about his ‘finely toned ass’ behind his back. Woohyun was used to it nonetheless.

As he walked through the house, there were some familiar faces here and there, however he did not stop for a chat of how life was going. Finding Howon was a priority. Passing all the couples, business partners and parents with their heirs, Woohyun kept intensely looking around to spot a familiar purple head. Howon’s love for that particular colour had always been something rather flamboyant if not anything else, Woohyun thought. Everyone had always had that special fetish known only to them, however Woohyun couldn’t find anything like that for himself.

Yet he had never felt like an outcast. Quite the opposite.

As Howon wasn’t anywhere in his sight, there was no other option left for him than to go to the living room as the lady had suggested before. It felt so peaceful once he’d left the crowded hall and stepped to nearly lifeless living room. He made a mental note to himself to thank that lady later; Howon with his brother were really there.

“Just to inform you, there’s a party going on in your house.” Woohyun remarked ironically and with a smirk as he watched the two’s surprised faces. As far as Woohyun’s knowledge reached, he was sure that the organiser of the party should be actually present.

“Just in time.” Howon grinned in satisfaction seeing his friend standing there.

“Really? If it weren’t for me looking for your lazy ass we wouldn’t even see each other.” Woohyun chuckled and went closer to Howon and the boy who, Woohyun assumed, was his brother. They had never had quite the chance to meet, which Woohyun had always reproached Howon for. However it had seemed that they’d finally get introduced.

Woohyun had noticed that Howon was slightly uncomfortable as he couldn’t think of a witty response. Smirking in victory, he suddenly heard Howon’s brother clear his throat behind him. Apparently the boy also wanted to be introduced; Woohyun decided he liked him.

“Oh, right. Woohyun, this is Sungjong and vice versa.” Howon said calmly, getting out of the way so they could approach each other.

“So we finally meet.” Sungjong smiled, reaching our his hand which Woohyun gladly shook. “We could have met earlier, I’m sorry about that. My brother is a bit  _protective._ ”

“Is he really?” Woohyun asked slightly puzzled and turned to Howon. “Did I miss something?”

However before Howon could anyhow respond, Sungjong took his chance. “Apparently, he thinks everyone who approaches me might as well  _rape_  me. Ridiculous, isn’t it?” he laughed.

“Shut up, Jong.” Howon hissed, making the two other boys erupt in laughter.

The rest of the party went surprisingly well, Woohyun had finally cleared his head. Needless to say that Sungjong was an exceptionally good company all the time. Even when Woohyun was talking with Howon about matters concerning their companies, he was there having fitting remarks to whatever they had talked about. Howon had been teaching him well, it seemed.

Soon the party was over; after even the last guests had left, Woohyun decided he should leave as well. Bidding his goodbyes to the brothers, he set off towards his car. He had never drunk much, alcohol simply wasn’t for him and so driving was not a problem. He was glad everything had worked out, that he could go to work the next day with clean mind.

He threw his jacket to the passenger seat and drove away, humming a song.

It did not take long for him to reach his apartment even though the streets were busy all the time. He was so looking forward to tucking himself in his fuzzy bed, he could almost feel the warmth around himself already. After quickly squishing his car between two other vehicles in the park lot, he grabbed his jacket and almost jogged towards the complex.

“Excuse me.” someone called from behind him.

When Woohyun turned around, he spotted a rather tall lanky boy leading his steps to him. He couldn’t see well in the dimly lit park lot, but he had noticed that the boy was handing something to him. Once his eyes had adjusted, he’d realised that the boy was giving him a very familiar blue envelope.

“You dropped this.” he said, smiling lightly.

Woohyun hesitantly took the envelope from him, slightly bowing his head. “Thank you.”

His bed was long forgotten as he stared continuously at the thing in his hands. It must have fallen from his hand as he carried the jacket. Just then Woohyun realised that it was late past midnight, people were usually sleeping at such time. And so he wondered what was the boy doing out so late. He glanced up at him again just to see that smile still being there.

Only when the streetlight flicked, Woohyun realised what was so strange about the boy.

He had blue eyes.


	2. Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which memories come to the light.

Hatred had always been quite a close emotion to Woohyun, especially when it came to annoying people and mornings where the victim of his growing rage would be his oh so hated alarm clock. As he slammed the thing to get rid of the insufferable noise, he groaned into his pillow at the mere thought of the work he had ahead that day.

Reluctantly, he forced himself to get up, absent-minded wandering around the house, gathering needed papers and after changing, he got out, heading towards his car. He wondered if there really was going to be as much work waiting for him as he thought and if that was so, Woohyun could as well go and kill himself. The effect would be the same.

He threw his bag at the passenger’s seat, when he suddenly remembered the night before. As if on cue, his eyes immediately went to search for the blue-eyed stranger he’d seen before. Seeing that the lot was completely deserted, Woohyun was utterly embarrassed. In the first place, why was he even looking for that boy?

He wiped those thoughts off his mind, assuming that the alcohol from the night, despite it being just a small amount, still had not vanished yet, and sped away from the apartment complex.

Taking a turn at the crossroad, he almost got involved in an accident, spotting a familiar tall frame with light brown-haired head on its top.

 

“Good morning, sir.” his secretary greeted him with a blinding smile as soon as he stepped in.

“Morning.” Woohyun returned the smile, even though he did not feel like smiling at all.

It was Monday again, the most hated day out of the seven, and Woohyun, naturally, belonged to that group of people who despised Mondays the most. Not even his secretary’s pretty smile worked on making his day at least seem better. Maybe he became too used to her smiling at him every morning, he thought. After all, she was just a human too.

“So what’s on the to-do list today?” he asked, attempting to sound a bit more cheerful and failing miserably.

With her in tail, he half-listened to her as she started to list every single thing he had to do that day, every single meeting he had to attend. She was conscientious enough to announce everything again right before it had to happen. He liked her, there were not many people who would be diligent as well as rigorous when it came to work. And just like that, it was supposed to be. Needless to say that besides the fact that she was pretty, she was also proud enough not to try something on him. There certainly were not many people who wouldn’t want to start something with someone with Woohyun’s looks.

He was grateful that he had her.

“Also, your brother called earlier this morning asking for an appointment with you.” she finished her speech, with a small sad smile. She also knew about Woohyun’s deceased mother, however knowing that he had never once even mentioned her, she never brought it up.

“My brother?” Woohyun looked rather amused than surprised. “Interesting. Could you please call him and tell him that he can come immediately? I still have half an hour before the first meeting, am I right?”

“Yes, but are you sure?” she asked, sounding a bit worried.

“Yes, I am. It won’t take longer than ten minutes.” he assured her with a smile.

“I’ll call him then. Do you need something else?”

“No, that’d be all. Thank you.”

She merely bowed then and left. Woohyun chuckled lightly to himself as he turned around to his office’s windowed wall and stared out on the skies pouring their tears down on the city. Woohyun didn’t understand the meaning of tears or crying whatsoever anymore. The last time he remembered he cried was when he saw his  _brother_  crying after their mother, not exactly in sober state, hit him because of something he, according to her, should have done, but couldn’t have done so as there was school piling up over his head. That was the last time Woohyun cried; he was eleven at that time. Ever since then, truth to be told, he had never seen his brother cry either.

That night, all those years ago, had done something to the both of them as they had spent it crying with each other. One would have thought they would get closer after that. And indeed, they did. However, once the elder had found his special someone, he had left Woohyun and moved with his girl to the States. Of course, he still paid occasional visits to his little brother.

They had still become distant over the time; somehow their mother’s funeral deepened the tiny rift between them and so Woohyun wondered what did the elder want to talk about on that rainy Monday, though the answer was more than crystal-clear.

Soon there came a knock on his door.

“Come in.” he said, still looking out on the busy city.

Already by the sound of the steps, Woohyun recognised that it was his brother coming in. Aside from other things Woohyun felt at that moment, he was impressed.

“That was fast.” he remarked, turning from the window.

 “I was always fast.” the elder smiled lightly and took a seat right after Woohyun had gestured him to do so.

“Yeah.” Woohyun chuckled. “So, why are you here?” he asked then, smile fading away.

“I’m going back to the States.”

Woohyun grinned again a bit. “I expected that as much.” he said. “And? I don’t think you just came to tell me bye, you’d send me a message if just  _that_  was the matter.”

“Woohyun...”

“I’m supposed to go to a meeting in fifteen minutes, hyung. Out with it.” Woohyun tapped his fingers on his desk in slight impatience. Though underneath it, there was also curiosity.

Truth was he still had more than twenty minutes before the meeting. Truth was that he didn’t want the elder to waste five to ten minutes with emotional stuff. He didn’t want to wake his weak side up just yet. Just not yet. Just for a while more, he wanted to keep everything in.

“I want you to take your part.”

“My part?” Woohyun looked up in bewilderment. After a second it clicked though. “Oh, you mean the  _inheritance_. But I took it, hyung.”

“You  _gave_  it to me.” the elder sighed in frustration.

“Yet again, you’re wrong, my dear brother. I took it. Therefore it was mine. I can give whatever is mine to whoever I want.” Woohyun smirked. “If you don’t want it, give it to noona and the little one, which I suppose you’d do anyway.” he added then, smile widening as the images of his sister-in-law and his three months old nephew popped up in his mind.

It seemed to Woohyun that he’d made his brother quite speechless. “Will you be all right?” he asked after a few of moments of complete silence.

“Of course. Honestly, hyung, were there ever times when I was not all right?” Woohyun asked then, literally feeling the mood lighten up.

“I guess not. But I still think you should reconsider forgetting about mum’s wrongdoings.”

To that, Woohyun didn’t answer. Of course he would do nearly anything to comply with his brother’s request. Nearly. But he would have to lie. And Woohyun was a bad liar. He thought to himself, how was it even possible for people to lie so freely, as if it was something as natural as breathing. He wondered whether it was given in their nature or if they just got better and better after months and years of using all those absolutely see-through lies. He wondered whether being a good liar was actually worth the effort.

“You should go.” he smiled then, getting up from his seat, followed by the elder soon after.

“Woohyun...”

“Go, hyung. Tell those two I said hi.” Woohyun insisted, trying to sound as tough as he possibly could.

“You’re impossible.” his brother chuckled, opening his arms. “Will I get a bye-bye hug?” he asked then, waiting for Woohyun to move.

Woohyun stared sceptically for a while, before chuckling as well. “What a baby you are, hyung.” he muttered, before moving forward to hug the taller male. “You better text me once you arrive, okay?” he added then, before pulling away.

“Of course. Take care, little brother.”

“You too.”

And just like that, Woohyun was left alone once again. Unlike five minutes before his brother had left, Woohyun suddenly didn’t feel like letting his weak emotional side to see the daylight. When he turned back to the windowed wall, it wasn’t raining anymore. Sometimes it seemed that the weather, let alone the whole day, could be suddenly different when only his mood changed.

Silly thoughts, he smiled to himself and watched as the clouds retreated and let the sun take their place.

In a matter of seconds, another knock on the door came.

“Yes?” he called, turning around again, back facing the windows.

His secretary stepped in, warm smile plastered on her face. “We should get going, sir. The meeting is about to start.” she said.

“Ah, of course.” Woohyun smiled back and they both set off.

Though his mood got better by a tiny bit, he couldn’t wait till the day, that awful Monday, would be over.

 

Woohyun, for some reason known only to him, liked driving alone. Especially in the evenings or nights. Being it almost the middle of autumn, it got dark sooner than it did a few months before. It’d been a tough day, that Monday. Yet still, unlike that very morning, he didn’t feel like going home just yet. At any other day, his comfortable sofa and all those sappy dramas on TV would be a paradise for him, especially when that any other day was Monday.

That Monday though was not like the others, just like Woohyun wasn’t like the other people.

As he drove, he remembered seeing the tall boy at the parking lot that very morning right before he went to work. He wondered if he would still be there once he’d return home from is ride. Meeting someone with blue eyes, even if they were supposed to be just contact lenses was indeed something unusual, which was also the reason why the boy had caught Woohyun’s attention that night before. And Woohyun got even more interested when he saw him at the lot the morning after.

Usually, he wouldn’t be interested at all, he’d be rather indifferent and unconcerned. Maybe it was the colour that lured him in even despite the fact that he loathed it the most, out of all colours that existed. He didn’t know, and was kind of embarrassed that he was thinking about such things. Not even knowing why, Woohyun simply assumed that the boy had a completely different view on the world and its people than everyone else, as well as him. What Woohyun wasn’t so sure about was that whether the boy’s view on the world and the society they were forced to live in was the same or similar to his.

Woohyun parked the car not so far from a cemetery. As he drove, drowned deep in his thoughts, he was going still further from the city and made it to the outskirts. He didn’t mind though, the sleepiness never washed over him ever since that morning. He got out of the car, sharply sucking in the night air and looking around. He’d already been there before.

Ironically, it wasn’t the cemetery where his mother got buried two days before. But he was sure he had been there before. Once. And so he set off, making his way through the labyrinth of gravestones. The place was deserted and for that he was grateful. He walked slowly, silently listening to that little voice that read his thoughts aloud inside his head as he read the names of all the deceased people whose gravestones he’d walked by. And he wondered, if their lives were fruitful unlike his or if they were just as empty as his life was. If they had spent it happily with their beloved ones or all alone.

He wondered if it was just age that took their lives away. If it was a disease of some sort, or…

Woohyun suddenly stopped his tracks, looking ahead of himself. All he saw was just a line of more and more graves; nothing special on a first glance. Woohyun though, saw something that was  _special_. He had already been to that place. Once. The scene from that day started to repeat itself right in front of his eyes, though he was just watching this time.

He saw his eight years old self, crying. He saw his brother, desperately attempting to make him stop. They stood alone. In front of a grave. Someone else came to the picture. Woohyun couldn’t see their face, he didn’t remember it; it was blurred. Then it all disappeared and he once again realised he was standing right in front of that grave he’d stood in front of years ago with his brother.

As memories washed over, Woohyun cried.

For the first time in so long, he felt himself becoming weaker as more bitter tears fell down and hit the cold ground. As wind lightly played with his hair, he faintly noticed leaves falling from the trees all around him. Everything around him was falling; he wondered, was he falling too? The leaves had always provided him some sort of a inner safety - just like him they could fall any moment, it just depended on the surroundings; the safety would disappear, the boy would fall along with his tiny shields.

Even so, autumn had always been his favourite time of year and it certainly wasn’t going to change.

He cried as his eyes fell on the name engraved in the stone. He cried as he noticed the light of candle placed down on the grave dying down. He cried, seeing a beautifully folded paper crane sitting beside the candle. He cried as he was angry at himself for being so weak when the world’s walls were falling on him and he was supposed to hold them up. Every single time he was being crushed under the weight of everything, he felt so weak he couldn’t crawl out and survive. Every single time when he just wanted to finally die, someone came and pulled him up on his feet again.

Tears froze in Woohyun’s eyes; he heard steps behind him.


	3. Realising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the name is discovered.

 

Woohyun remained frozen, unable even to turn his head. Only the rustling of the leaves all around was making audible sounds; the person behind him had stopped their tracks also. The tears that stopped right before the edges of his eyes finally spilled over once he found the willpower to at least blink. They felt hot against his cheeks; it was strange to feel tears again. After so many years.

The person behind started to move again, he flinched as he heard the steps coming closer to him. Somewhere deep inside, he almost wished for that person to kill him so he wouldn’t have to deal with the world’s absurdity anymore. He wished that the person would just give him the opportunity to go away, change his name and start anew, even though he knew that wasn’t possible, not even in the least.

His breath hitched when, by the corner of his eye, he noticed that the person, presumably a man, stopped beside him.

“It’s almost ridiculous, don’t you think?”

Upon hearing the man’s voice, Woohyun didn’t say anything at first; it was his mind that started to work. He’d definitely heard that voice before and assuming that he hadn’t met so many people before, or at least hadn’t kept in touch with them so much, it didn’t even take him much time to find out whose voice that was. He nearly smirked, pushing his emotions out of the way to the dark corner of his mind.

“What is?” he asked, managing to keep his voice cool, without any signs of crying.

“How we meet every day without us even agreeing on it.” the man replied. Woohyun, even though he still was not looking the man in the face, could  _hear_  the smirk in his words. “I wouldn’t expect to see you here, though.” he added then, moving towards the gravestone, kneeling before it.

Woohyun didn’t answer; he himself didn’t know what was he doing there.

As silence fell on the both of them and Woohyun listened to the wind playing with the leaves again, he watched what the blue-eyed man was doing. He wouldn’t expect to see him there either, but seeing the affection he gave in to taking care of that grave evoked an idea in Woohyun that he didn’t like one bit. He eyed the man for a while, noticing that he put another blue paper crane next to the one that was already there, before getting up.

Interesting, Woohyun thought with a frown.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why were you crying?”

Woohyun didn’t even blink; he wasn’t surprised by that question. “I don’t know. Why did I cry?” he asked, not knowing whom that question was directed to.

The man chuckled, seemingly not being surprised by Woohyun’s answer either. He moved a few steps to the side, sitting on a bench. Woohyun pondered for while whether he should join him. Usually he wouldn’t do so, after all the stranger could be just another one among the idiots that called themselves ‘the human kind’, but there was something that lured him in. Maybe the eyes, he thought.

“Enjoy folding papers?” Woohyun asked, glancing over to the grave where two cranes were obediently sitting at either side of the candle.

“I do; one of the weird hobbies of mine.” the man responded.

Woohyun didn’t ask further; everything had its time, he decided. “I remembered something.” he muttered then, staring down at his hands, folded in his lap.

“Yes?”

“You asked me why I cried. I have this strange memory and even though I know exactly why it is there and why it still haunts me, I can’t remember one face from the picture.” Woohyun explained, carefully choosing every word.

He didn’t know why he was talking to a complete stranger.

“I see.” the man muttered back. “Won’t you ask me why I’m here?”

“Would you answer me?” Woohyun smiled.

“Maybe.” the man smiled back, pulling another light blue paper from inside his suit jacket. “It took me so long before I’ve learned how to fold these.” he said then, observing the paper in his hands almost  _lovingly_.

Woohyun pursed his lips, not knowing what to say as an answer.

“Weird hobby of mine.” the man added then, putting the paper back inside his jacket. “Maybe we’ll see each other again.” he said and got up from the bench.

Woohyun almost  _hurriedly_  got up as well. “Nam Woohyun.” he introduced himself briefly.

The man turned around, smiling once again; Woohyun actually saw a spark in those eyes. “Lee Sungyeol.” he lightly nodded his head, before adding, “I’ll be looking forward to seeing you again.”

“So will I.” Woohyun smirked, letting the other finally go his way.

As he watched Sungyeol’s retreating figure slowly disappearing from his sight, the idea that came to his mind earlier wasn’t an idea anymore. It was  _a_   _theory_. A theory he hoped wasn’t to be proved true. He turned around to observe the gravestone once again; he was afraid. Afraid that he  _really_  might be right. It was entertaining how such a little thing as a name could tell so much about a person.

Woohyun really prayed that he was wrong as he turned on his heel and slowly walked away from the grave; it was time to put an end to that Monday, he thought.

With a gust of wind the candle light placed on Lee Daeyeol’s grave finally died down.

Much to his surprise, Woohyun didn’t see Sungyeol wandering around the park lot or anywhere near the next morning. He chuckled to himself as he drove to work. Somehow not seeing Sungyeol that morning gave him some kind of reason to think that his theory really wasn’t true, that Sungyeol was just a stranger. An interesting one at that. However thinking about the previous evening also made him feel strangely anxious inside.

He intensely tried to remember the face that was blurred in his memory, so blurred that even the hairstyle was hard to work out. And Woohyun hated that. He hated that he didn’t have a way to make everything clear, he hated that he couldn’t remember. The more he thought about it, the more his head hurt as he drove through the streets. Maybe though, he thought, that face wasn’t even that important hence the reason why he didn’t remember it. That might be also a possibility.

Satisfied with that thought for the time being, not because it was  _likely_ , but because he hated headaches, he let that evening out of his head and rather focused on the road ahead of him. Getting stuck on a red light, his phone buzzed. A new message had arrived.

Upon seeing his brother’s name as the sender, he sighed in relief. The elder merely informed him that the flight went okay, but it was so  _freaking_  long that he wished he could just jump off that plane. Woohyun laughed at that. How typical, he thought. He noticed that his brother had also attached a picture to his message. Opening it, Woohyun grinned widely at his phone. There was his nephew in the picture, showing his gums in a broad smile. There was a caption under it, saying “The little one says hi too.”

Woohyun quickly typed a message back and drove forward as the drivers behind him were getting slightly impatient.

Tuesdays were much better, he decided. Despite the fact that it technically was still the beginning of a week, it almost felt better than Fridays. He understood why people loved Fridays so much, he did as well being it one of the poor number of things he had in common with other people.

That Tuesday went relatively well for him though. He didn’t have much to do at work, it seemed that Nana, his secretary, wanted him to rest at least a bit, which he obviously didn’t need, but didn’t refuse either.

For the entire day though, he tried to block his breakdown he had the previous evening from invading his mind; he failed. Just the mere thought of the name on that piece of rock made tears well up in his eyes.

He anxiously kept looking around himself; he saw people giving him looks as if they  _knew_. As if they knew that it was his fault. They were accusing him, pointing their fingers at him and whispering about him. They were laughing at him, throwing him into an imaginary hole, shutting the way out. It was suffocating him, forcing the oxygen out of his lungs.

He needed to breathe.

It left Howon utterly confused with a grain of rice poking out of his mouth, when Woohyun suddenly got up, leaving his unfinished lunch on the table and stormed out of the restaurant they had gone to.

Dizzily, Woohyun found a way to his car unable to see through the salty tears blocking his vision. As he crouched down, not finding the strength to look for his car keys, he loosened his tie and actually tried to  _breathe_. In and out. How easy that seemed. It felt as if the oxygen left the air all out him, as if there was none. As if the nature itself wanted him to die.

And there was one big question mark flying in his mind.

 _Why_. Why it was happening again, why then of all times when he was finally doing just fine after so long? How ironic that was, he though bitterly. People tend to say that life is just a book, written by someone else who is actually living another story. That when we can’t remember something it’s because the author has erased it. That when we feel we’ve seen something before, but can’t actually remember where or when, it’s because the author is just rewriting it.

Every story was bound to end someday, Woohyun thought, he wondered why his author wanted to play with him so much, why wouldn’t he or she just finally close the book and let him die in peace.

_In and out._

_Breathe._

It actually worked after a while, Woohyun felt like a person again even though tears were still stinging in his eyes, slightly blurring his view. He blinked those away, and shakily fished his constantly buzzing phone out of his pocket; it was bombarded with text messages from Howon. He was asking whether Woohyun was okay in most of them, how cute that was; Woohyun smiled lightly at seeing those. The last message though was something different.

 _‘Can I eat your food?’_  it said. Light laughter erupted from Woohyun’s throat; it felt nice.

Taking one last deep breath, he quickly typed  _‘Don’t you dare.’_  and quickly went back, puting his best fake smile on.

Once again, he started to try to block it all out.

During the day, Woohyun had to change his mind several times; after all that Tuesday didn’t that well, not even relatively.  _‘Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched.’_  he thought to himself, sighing. Howon somehow spied on him or read his mind, which was more likely, and knew that Woohyun had a day off and had to take an advantag of that. Therefore, Woohyun had enough purple for that day. How silly he was when he thought the day was going to be a piece of cake with a cherry on top; he tried his best to stay awake when driving home.

Not to mention, the cherry actually was on the very top of his oh so exhausting Tuesday. When he arrived home, he spotted two rather well-built gentlemen knocking on his door.

“Can I help you?” he asked, mentally slapping himself to at least speak a bit coherently. The men turned around in unison; just then Woohyun recognised they must have been from the police. Strange.

“Nam Woohyun?” one of the officers asked while the other eyed him suspiciously.

However, Woohyun was too tired to care, he merely nodded. “Can I help you?” he asked again, emphasizing the whole sentence.

“Do you know this man?” the officer handed him a sketch.

Of course he knew that man, it was  _Sungyeol_  drawn there. A million of questions erupted in his mind all at once, he wondered why was Sungyeol involved with the police. There certainly was a possibility that Sungyeol was a criminal; after all Woohyun knew just his  _name_. However there still a little  _‘but’_  and  _‘what if’_.

_‘What if he was right and Sungyeol had really done something bad? But what if he wasn’t? Shouldn’t he prevent injustice?’_

He shook his head. “Should I know him?” he questioned.

“Not for a particular reason, we’ve heard he’s been seen around here lately.” one of the men explained. “Well then, thank you for the information.” he said, offering a small smile, which Woohyun immediately returned.

Once the men disappeared, Woohyun tiredly slumped down on his bed, still fully dressed. He might have asked why they were looking for Sungyeol, yet that would be suspicious. He was curious and wanted to know. Maybe he was just exaggerating, maybe it was nothing and the police had the wrong man. That was  _highly_  unlikely though.

Blue eyes were not something people tripped over every day, he thought.

Woohyun hated his mind at times; he so desperately wanted to sleep, his mind wouldn’t let him. Something in there told him that the incidents that had happened in the span of a few days had a tiny thread connecting them. Tiny thread with big tear-drop shaped blue eyes, he chuckled.

He loosened his tie, keeping on thinking. His trains of thoughts would most likely lull him to sleep if there suddenly wasn’t an idea screaming inside his head. Woohyun was curious and fortunately for him, he was a person who had contacts. And it was an unspoken rule that his contacts also had their contacts.

He smirked to himself as he reached out for his phone.

Meanwhile, many miles away from Woohyun’s apartment complex, in the outskirts of Seoul, blood was spilled on the pavement. Dirty, almost black as it merged together with the dust on the rock-hard ground. It belonged to a boy, the blood. It was spilling heavily out of his mouth, as he barely endured another fit of kicks in the stomach. For a reason however, he didn’t let out a single sound of dissatisfaction or pain.

He wondered for a while whether he had overdone it with provoking those guys. He could finally die there; there was no denying that he had some internal injuries. He saw his approaching death as some kind of liberation; his life was insignificant. He winced lightly when one of his attackers grabbed him roughly by his hair and was ready to smash his head against a wall.

He closed his eyes and waited to lose consciousness as he smirked to no one.

However, nothing happened.

Only the sound of police sirens screeching in the distance crawled to his ears. He felt the hand on his scalp release its grip and he fell to the ground. He heard hurried steps disappearing with each second and soon there was silence. Deadly silence. And no matter how much the boy wanted, the black blanket the world had prepared for him, wouldn’t wrap around his mind. He remained conscious.

And his still miraculously working phone went off within thirty following seconds.

Having troubles with moving his body, it took him painfully long before he managed to pick the call up, breathing heavily instead of saying anything.

_“Hi there, Myungsoo. It’s been a  long time.”_

He chuckled. A voice he couldn’t forget no matter how hard he tried; Woohyun’s voice.

He said nothing.

_“I need your help.”_

And even though he kind of really wanted to get everything over with, even though he really wanted to  _die_  and not to worry about everything anymore, he betrayed himself. “I need yours too...” he managed to mutter hoarsely, his phone slipping out of his hand the following second.

Woohyun’s suddenly frightened voice coming through the speaker that still reached his ears was the last thing he had heard before he finally let himself fall into inviting arms of lady Darkness.


	4. Recalling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the walls are slowly falling.

 

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

Normally, he would enjoy the silence screaming all around him and let him lull back to his imaginary land. Normally, he wouldn’t bother to investigate the place he was at; it was changing all the time anyway. Normally, he would be dead to the outside world and the world would be dead to him. Some say that after life, there is nothing but peace in form of silence. Some say that there should be a lit tunnel, some kind of a gateway to another world.

His eyes were closed, however he sensed the light. There was no sound, he heard the silence. His body wasn’t under his control anymore, he couldn’t move even when he so desperately wanted to. The air was so unbearably heavy on his chest, he felt like running out of breath every second. Maybe it was finally over, he thought. That little voice reading his thoughts aloud in his head sounded so weak; it really made him think that he was dead.

But he couldn’t be.

Normally, he wouldn’t care and let lady Fate do whatever she intended to do with him. Normally, he wouldn’t bother. But then there was that tiny, barely audible sound that came out of nowhere. An almost inaudible sound of a door closing. So he wasn’t dead. Unless that door was a gateway to heaven; he chuckled inwardly at how hilarious that sounded in his head.

Steps.

There was someone with him.

A sigh from that person.

And he couldn’t be any more sure who that was; Woohyun, undoubtedly. He wanted to laugh immediately, it was even more ridiculous than him entering heaven.  _Him_  of all people. Heaven wasn’t the place for him, apparently nor was hell. Earth, the worst of the three was the place for him. Sometimes he caught himself wondering why he was still alive when death had so many chances to get him. Why he was still breathing when oxygen had been knocked out of his lungs so many times, why there still was blood running through his veins when he had lost so much of it.

There was no answer.

Suddenly, he heard Woohyun as he sat beside his bed making weird noises, as if  _eating_. Getting all the strength he had within him to one place, he used it to open his eyes - slowly and painfully. Bright light hit him immediately, he had to close his eyes again.

“Don’t eat my food, hyung.” he said instead, his voice coming out as nothing more than a hoarse mumble. Even he was surprised, it was as if he hadn’t talked for months. But then again, he was presumably at hospital. Who knew for how long he was unconscious.

But it worked, he got Woohyun’s attention right away. “Are you... awake?”

He chuckled, if the sound he made resembled chuckle in some way, and wondered if Woohyun had always been so dumb. He cracked his eyes open again, flashing Woohyun a small, yet genuine smile.

“I told you once that you’re not dying on my watch, Kim Myungsoo.” Woohyun grinned widely.

Myungsoo though knew everything that was hiding behind that smile. One wouldn’t believe how many things the two of them had been through together, good and bad, with happy and sad endings. They had been through everything an average person could imagine; they knew everything and yet so little about each other.

And Myungsoo remembered very well the day Woohyun saved his life for the first and certainly not the last time.

_Myungsoo felt his lungs screaming for a break, breathing was becoming harder to handle. He was running for so long already, his legs also felt like giving out. Passing the lockers quickly, he hid behind one line and as quietly as he could, he slipped into janitor’s room. Trying to calm down, he placed his hand on his chest, feeling his frantic heartbeat under the fabric._

_His ears were perked up, prepared to catch the slightest sound coming from the outside. When he heard the steps of his pursuers had gone away, he let out a sigh of relief. That day, again, it felt like they were really going to kill him, even when he didn’t do anything._

_He never did._

_The seniors just liked to bully. Sometimes to the point where the bullied ones would end in hospitals for weeks. They liked Myungsoo especially though. He never knew why him, but as the time went, he had heard the birds whisper that it was because of his looks and rather huge popularity. Though Myungsoo himself had never done anything to achieve either of those things. His looks were the work of his parents and his popularity was the work of his looks mainly._

_Even so, he had never made any friend; he had never felt in need of one.Or more like he didn’t want to become a burden to someone who could possibly be his friend. It was better that way, he thought, being on his own, quietly getting through life without being noticed by anyone._

_With a bit clearer head, he quietly opened the door and looked out, the corridor seemed to be empty. It was late in the afternoon, it had to be empty. Heaving out a sigh, he stepped out of his hideout just to see four guys waiting for him with their sleeves rolled up to their elbows._

_That was it, he thought._

__  


Myungsoo didn’t remember much from the fight, however the mere thought about that immense pain, the memory - it all made tears well up in his still with sleep dazed eyes; back then, Woohyun had suffered his fair share of pain as well. Because of him.

_There was no pain anymore; it was one of those cases where psysical pain became too much, too much to handle that the brain stopped to register it. Myungsoo couldn’t move, his body wasn’t listening, it was numb. The only thing he could feel was something warm trickling down his cheek, presumably blood._

_A sudden realisation came to him after a few moments - he didn’t care about what was going to happen to him. If he wasn’t going to die that day, it would be likely to happen the next time or the one after that. The bullies had always gotten away from it with their hands clean; money was the key. And it finally came to Myungsoo that he didn’t care._

_It was never going to end after all._

_Within the following minute, he found himself being slammed against the railing on the school’s roof with the four older guys surrounding him. At one point he even wanted to laugh, everything was so ironic. His life itself was. He was inwardly laughing at how pitiable he must have looked as he was receiving one kick after another into his stomach, legs, arms, even head._

_“How pathetic.” came a sudden voice from the door leading to the staircase. “Ruining pretty faces, what a shame. Don’t you think you should try it on someone as ugly as you?”_

_Myungsoo couldn’t look up to see who the newcomer was. Maybe an angel, he thought. Maybe the devil. It could have taken just one more blow to the head and he would finally cross the line separating the world of the dead from the Earth. It was certainly the devil, Myungsoo decided. Only the devil would save him, so he could suffer from more pain, more hardships. He could continue suffering it through his nearly insufferable life._

_The devil it was._

_As he was lying there with his head bleeding onto the ground, his senses were slowly betraying him as well. His vision became a blurr, he heard buzzing in his ears and head, he didn’t feel the pain anymore. And it was cold. Despite it being still hot even  so late in the afternoon, he felt goosebumps breaking out on every part of his body as he started to shiver slightly. A few moments before he finally blacked out, he’d felt himself being picked up by someone to their embrace._

_“It’s going to be fine.” the person said. “You won’t die while I’m still here.”_

__  


People usually meet when one approaches the other, or by an accident when they bump into each other. Myungsoo and Woohyun were quite rare exceptions. Back then, Myungsoo had woken up in a hospital and sadly for his mind, he’d remembered every bit of the incident on the roof. Somehow he’d felt thankful to the person who had saved his life even though he couldn’t deny that he would have preferred to be left there to die.

The first meeting was quite unusual, since when Myungsoo woke up, Woohyun was sharing the hospital room with him, having a few scratches, a broken arm and a huge stupid grin on his face.

Myungsoo blinked, snapping out of the past. “Yeah… Yeah, I know.” he replied quietly.

Woohyun felt the air tighten about his body. “What happened this time?” he asked as gently as he could; he didn’t want to press on so much.

Myungsoo didn’t answer; after all if he did tell Woohyun what almost got him killed again, he wouldn’t be ever able to look at the older boy ever again, because it was the worst mess a person could get tangled in. And then again, if Woohyun were to despise him, for Myungsoo, what would be the purpose of living on?

“Myungsoo...” Woohyun leaned forward and supported his weight on the matress. “Talk to me.”

“You don’t want to know, hyung.” Myungsoo said then, the invisible hands around his throat tightening their grip.

Woohyun sighed in obvious helplessness and Myungsoo felt even more guilty. But it was still better that way; he didn’t want Woohyun to know why he was doing what he was doing. It was stupid and so ridiculous that little children would point their fingers at him and laugh without stopping. Myungsoo was pathetic.

Biting his lip, he decided to change the subject. “What did you want from me?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” Woohyun asked quietly, his mind still trying to solve the mystery around Myungsoo’s whole being.

“You called me back there. Said you need my help.”

“Oh that… That’s not that important.” Woohyun answered, also starting to chew down on his lip. Truth was that at first he’d wanted to ask Myungsoo to dig up some information about Sungyeol, since Myungsoo had connections almost everywhere he went. Not that Woohyun didn’t, but police wasn’t exactly his field.

And seeing how devastated Myungsoo was, he couldn’t just order him to do something just because he wanted to know. Myungsoo’s health was more important, that was without any discussions.

“If it wasn’t important you wouldn’t have called me.” Myungsoo sent the latter a warm look, as if saying that it was okay to ask.

“It’s nothing, really.” Woohyun put on a smile. “I’ll tell you once they release you. You should sleep now and I should go home, I threw every of my responsibilities on Nana.” he explained. “I’ll come to see you tomorrow, okay?”

Myungsoo looked away. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Woohyun squeezed his hand before getting up from his seat. “I’ll come tomorrow.” he said, shooting him another sincere smile before walking out of the room.

Left alone with his thoughts, Myungsoo managed to roll on his side; he kept thinking why was Woohyun always so concerned. There were so many things Myungsoo was thankful for and Woohyun had never asked for anything in return, except for small favours here and there; it made the boy really wonder whether Woohyun was a divine creature or just a human of a kind that had died out many years ago.

To Myungsoo, ever since their first meeting, Nam Woohyun was the devil himself with the wings of an angel.

It was one week later that Woohyun finally got something on Sungyeol. During the meantime, after Myungsoo had been released, Woohyun insisted on them living together at least for a while and so Myungsoo proceeded to move his things to Woohyun’s apartment. Living in each other’s company was more than Myungsoo could ever hope for, even the work was getting done faster. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want it to stay like that for more than a little while.

Ever since Woohyun had asked him the favour concerning Sungyeol’s background, Myungsoo himself became interested. From what Woohyun had told him, the two of them had talked properly just once; it was just that and nothing else and Woohyun was already interested. The person had certainly something to them given the fact that Woohyun would be first among the people who never cared unless it was something really worth the time.

And as it appeared, Woohyun had quite the right to be interested.

“Ah, Mr. Kim.” Nana shot him a smile once he walked through the door, aiming for Woohyun’s office. “You’re being keenly awaited.”

Myungsoo merely nodded and returned the smile. As he entered Woohyun’s office, the latter was just putting down his phone after a seemingly long and exhausting call.

“Hi, hyung.” Myungsoo greeted, feeling a warm feeling spread in his chest when he saw that Woohyun was genuinely happy to see him. Work was surely giving him hell, Myungsoo could sense that.

“You have no idea how glad I am to see you.” Woohyun beamed.

Myungsoo laughed heartily. “I’m glad my presence made your mood go up.” he joked as he took a seat across from Woohyun. “I dug something up.” he added.

“I’m listening.” Woohyun smiled, effectively hiding his excitement.

“Apparently, this Lee Sungyeol doesn’t have any living relatives  _or_  their identities are unknown.” Myungsoo started. “His whereabouts are also unknown, which is why the policemen are helpless in catching him.” he added. “Quite a good strategy, when you look at it.”

“I suppose there is a reason why he doesn’t stay at one place for longer than a few days, isn’t there?”

“That’s the funny part, hyung.” Myungsoo smirked. “According to the reports one of my close friends had shown me, he had been smoothly robbing banks all this time. Every month, one of the smaller branches of bigger banks would fall as a victim.” he explained. “Every time he had gone away with it without leaving any traces behind. The police have everything already confirmed, they’re sure it’s him, but they can’t get him.”

Truth to be told, Myungsoo had expected Woohyun to be at least a little surprised, but much to his confusion the elder kept thinking, his smirk growing wider with every second. Myungsoo felt very proud of himself, seeing that the information he had supplied indeed gripped Woohyun’s attention tight. Myungsoo himself was very interested, maybe even more interested in the reason why Sungyeol was so important to Woohyun than in Sungyeol himself. But both indeed were hiding a story behind.

“Interesting.” Woohyun muttered to himself.

“Hope this helped. After all, there’s nothing else about him as far as I know.” Myungsoo commented.

“Of course it helped. Maybe even more than you think.” Woohyun grinned mischievously. “What a wonderful end to a such terrible working day. Let’s go for a dinner, my treat.” he suggested then, getting up.

“You’re done here already?” Myugsoo asked, quite bewildered. The clock was showing only 6pm; it was quite unusual thing for Woohyun to wrap it up so early given the fact that he often returned home around eight.

Strange how the word ‘home’ came to Myungsoo’s mind instantly when Woohyun’s apartment shouldn't have left him with the feeling of being at home at all. How miserable he was, he thought bitterly. Such an impact that word could cause; four randomly picked letters put together could make a person feel happy or hurt, just like ‘love’ or ‘hate’.

Somehow though, Myungsoo realised, ‘home’, ‘love’ and ‘hate’ were connected, especially in the background of  _his_  already so wretched life.

“Yeah, I am. Come on, let’s go.” Woohyun confirmed happily and throwing his arm around Myungsoo’s shoulders, the two of them exited the building, greeting Nana on their way.

The very next morning, Woohyun didn’t feel exactly well, but ditching work was absolutely out of question. He would lie if he said he had slept well through the night; the information Myungsoo had supplied had been creating all kinds of various scenarios in his head for hours before he actually managed to fall asleep. It was all getting interesting and for some odd reason, Woohyun sensed that it was just the beginning.

He wasn’t sure how to get in touch with Sungyeol; he felt that every time he had talked with him he had gotten a new information even though nothing concrete had been said. And after hearing what Sungyeol was doing, Woohyun indeed wanted something  _concrete_.

Yawning, he headed towards his car that was neatly parked in the park lot, just like he’d left it after they had returned from the dinner. He cursed under his breath as he stared at the moon that was still high up, gracing the skies. It was one of the cons of nearing winters, he thought, he often couldn’t tell nights and mornings apart as it was always dark.

“We always happen to meet when it’s dark.” a voice came from behind him.

Woohyun was startled, but managed not to let it show; the voice couldn’t have been mistaken for someone else’s. What a beautiful opportunity, he thought. “Quite unusual, isn’t it?” he replied, slowly turning around to face the slightly taller male.

“It is, indeed.” Sungyeol admitted, shooting Woohyun a small smile.

“This however doesn’t seem like a coincidence to me.” Woohyun smirked. “Say, were you waiting for me?” he asked, quickly scanning Sungyeol from head to toe. Even in the dark, Woohyun could see that, despite the loads of money the other certainly possessed, he was dressed very simply. That quite didn’t fit in Woohyun’s little imaginary puzzle.

“You’re quick-witted. I like that.” Sungyeol stated. “Yes, I was waiting for you.”

“Should I feel flattered?” Woohyun asked, leaving a pinch of sarcasm linger in his words.

“It depends on how you look at it.” Sungyeol laughed.

“What’s the occasion then?” Woohyun cocked his eyebrow, pouring all of his attention onto the latter. “I don’t think you were waiting for me here just to greet me, were you?”

“No, of course not.” Sungyeol smiled. “I just assumed that by now, you would already have something on me. Am I right?”

Woohyun smirked.  _Something_  in that case almost meant  _nothing_. “It depends on how you look at it.” he remarked.

“Does it?” Sungyeol inquired, directing the question to no one. “I take that as yes, though.”

“Even if I knew something...” Woohyun sneered. “Are you trying to change my view on you?”

“Of course not. I’m not that mundane.” Sungyeol smiled, shifting slightly in place.

Woohyun couldn’t unnotice the other’s actions, and things unexpectedly made another twist, when he realised what the object in Sungyeol’s hand was.

“You really carry these with you all the time, don’t you?” he asked, gesturing towards the tiny paper crane, neatly sitting in Sungyeol’s hand. That was another piece of the riddle that didn’t fit. It could be just a hobby, Woohyun thought, but ‘knowing’ Sungyeol, it wouldn’t be so. Something about the taller guy gave him the feeling that nothing was  _just because_.

Woohyun smirked. He liked that thought; he could see that people worth his time hadn’t died out.

“You could say that.” Sungyeol shot him a mysterious look.

And Woohyun’s smirk widened. That was all but concrete. “If you don’t mind me asking, why is that so?” he questioned, sneakily eyeing the folded paper.

The latter  _chuckled_ ; Woohyun suddenly felt uneasiness spreading inside his chest. “Have you ever felt despair so immense that it would make you believe in fairy tales?”

Woohyun couldn’t deny he was taken aback by that question. Despair so immense... As memories spilled over, he felt a tingling sensation in the back of his head. He remembered things very well, he knew they were buried somewhere deep and he had just dug them back up. And it hurt. It hurt so much, he had to lean on the bonnet of his car for support, as he gripped his hair tightly, trying to shove the memories back where they belonged.

All the faces that were connected to that day, his mother, brother, even Woohyun himself; it was all merged together with the screams, the painful screams he had heard back then. His breathing became frantic as he tried to calm down. It all happened in the course of five seconds if not less and then… Silence.

It stopped.

Woohyun blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears that formed in his eyes. Sungyeol was still there, giving him that enigmatic smile.

“I have…” Woohyun replied then, a bit shakily.

“Then I believe you’re clever enough to find out why I fold these.” Sungyeol responded calmly, making his way past Woohyun whose hands were still trembling.

However when Woohyun turned around, the boy was no longer in his sight. He ran his hand through his hair, not caring at all that he would ruin his hairstyle. When he thought that things made sense earlier, apparently he was wrong. As he was about to get inside the car and go to work,  _only then_ , he noticed that tiny crane sitting on the bonnet.


	5. Deciding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which denial doesn't have a place to belong.

_It was very early in the morning, or very late at night if you wish, when his phone went off, giving out that annoyingly loud tone he hated so much. He made a mental note not to let his sons play with it ever again, because he didn’t know how to change the tone back. Groaning loudly, as his brain was still clouded with sleep, he absent-minded reached for his phone and punched the green button._

_“Hello?” he said to the phone, sounding even more groggy than he thought._

_“Nam Taejin?” asked the voice._

_“Maybe.” he deadpanned. “Who’s this?”_

_“Officer Yang Seungho, we’ve already met once. I’m sorry to be disturbing you so early.”_

_“Oh, right.” Taejin wobbled into sitting position and started to listen properly. “Is there something new I should know about?”_

_“The victims’ family wishes to speak to you. Alone.”_

_Taejin glanced at the clock placed on his nightstand. Three minutes to five in the morning; he sighed concluding that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep anymore anyway._

_“Would it be okay if I took my sons with me? They’re still to young to stay home alone.” he asked, quite sadly._

_“There shouldn’t a problem with that.” Seungho said. “Once again, I’m sorry.”_

_Taejin sighed as the line went dead. Rubbing sleep out of his face again, he stood up, slightly staggering to his sons’ room they shared together. He smiled as he spotted one of the beds empty, assuming that Woohyun climbed to his brother’s bed during the night. How cute the sight was; little kids at the age of eight and ten, fast asleep and holding hands._

_He gently shook with the boys’ shoulders, waking them both up, getting a pile of grunts and ‘go away’s. They eventually woke up as sleepiness washed away from their brains within a few minutes and all of sudden, they were all to excited because they were going on a trip. Needless to say that their excitemement only rose when they were told they were going to a real police station._

_Little Woohyun kept clinging to his brother all the way, pointing at everything once they arrived. Their father had an appointment and they were told to wait outside. Woohyun, thanks to his young eyes that saw everything even before everyone else did, spotted a boy, around his age, a bit taller and chubbier in the face, waiting outside the door as well._

_He seemed not to notice them even despite their loud voices and kept staring into space, head bowed low._

Woohyun’s eyes shot open as the sound of something falling on the floor tore him apart from his dream. His eyelids fell again, and he welcomed the darkness as he let his brain wake up first. He started to think about that dream; he remembered it as if it was just the day before. The day he went with his father and brother to the police station to sort things he didn’t have a clue about back then.

It was later when he came to realise what all was behind that early morning visit. He still could make out the boy’s face, it seemed so familiar and yet he just couldn’t put it into place. He wondered until there was another loud sound of something hitting the floor. Being completely annoyed, Woohyun grunted and got up.

“What are you doing up so early?” he rubbed his eyes as bright light hit him in the face once he stepped into the living room, where Myungsoo was. “Usually it’s me who has to wake you up.”

“Sorry, hyung.” Myungsoo smiled sheepishly.

Woohyun blinked a few times, finally getting his eyes adjusted to the light. “What’s this?” he pointed to the bag sitting innocently at Myungsoo’s feet like an obedient puppy.

“I’m going back today, remember?” Myungsoo stated, giving the elder a raise brow.

“Oh. Right...”

Woohyun was naturally slower at things right after waking up, but that wasn’t the matter there. Truth to be told, he was worried about the boy. And so he thought, why shouldn’t he let Myungsoo stay over longer? Or even for good? Being alone was not convenient at times, Woohyun was sure Myungsoo didn’t want anything else more than that, but in the end, the younger boy refused.

So it made Woohyun wonder what was the rope that was pulling him out there. What was the reason that made Myungsoo want to go back so much when he could stay and worry about nothing for the rest of his life. He wanted to know and maybe it wasn’t even his business, but he couldn’t blame it on anyone that he was worried. And still, Myungsoo was refusing to tell and Woohyun couldn’t press on so much.

“Still, Myung,” he started. “Don’t you want to stay a bit longer?”

Myungsoo chuckled. “No, hyung. I can take care of myself and I can’t bother you just like this.” he smiled, plopping down on the sofa. “Come on, I made you breakfast.” he added and pointed in the direction of the kitchen.

“I hope you didn’t burn down my precious kitchen.” Woohyun snorted.

“Who do you take me for?” the younger faked a gasp, sounding offended. “I may have dropped a few of your pans, though.” he added in a quiet voice.

Woohyun only groaned and went to get his food with a hole being dug in his heart again. He couldn’t deny that he enjoyed their time together; even though he was a brat at times, Myungsoo was something like a younger brother Woohyun never had. It had been long since Woohyun found out he couldn’t stay alone for too long and he didn’t even need to be taken care of. It was him who needed to care about others. Myungsoo was one of those people who might even  _need_  the care.

But the younger boy didn’t realise it and wouldn’t budge just because Woohyun thought better than him.

It was sad.

The ride went in silence, the sun wasn't even up yet. Woohyun demanded that he would take Myungsoo wherever he wanted to be taken and the boy apparently sensed Woohyun’s uneasiness and let himself be dropped off at one of the less conspicious quarters. Myungsoo himself didn’t really want to go as Woohyun had predicted, but there were responsibilities waiting.

Responsibilities he wouldn’t want to talk about.

Myungsoo’s mind wandered off and he wondered how was it possible to fall like he did. From that adorable boy everyone loved, how was it possible for him to be where he was? There was no one to blame, just him. It was Myungsoo alone who made himself fall to the bottom, it was Myungsoo alone who made himself forget how to live.

And it was why nothing mattered anymore. What would happen if he got himself involved with those who nearly killed him last time, what would happen if he just died? Nothing, the world would move on. And that wasn’t as sad, he thought. He would be forgotten and the planet would be one hopeless person lighter.

And so when Woohun pulled over, he shot him a longing look, before getting out of the car in silence. A light “Thank you.” flew from his lips and he was sure Woohyun didn’t miss it. The elder just gave him a small smile and Myungsoo stood still for a while and watched as Woohyun turned the car around and soon disappeared behind the closest corner.

Then he wandered on his own, towards things he knew very well. Back to the routine, he smiled bitterly as he set off.

Life was easy, he decided.

Once there were supplies to make one’s life comfortable, keeping the body going was just the minor part. It was almost amusing how people took everything for granted, never ever thinking of the possibility that one day, there might not be water or food they need. That one day, they might come to realising what suffering really feels like. The world was sad.

Making decisions on the other hand, was a harder nut to crack. Having a fifty-fifty chance to make the right one - starting from deciding what to have for lunch in order not to throw up later to deciding whether to try and save people and die trying or to live and let them die - was not exactly much.

In his life, ninety percent of the decisions he’d made were made wrong. And there wasn’t a day he wouldn’t regret each and every one of them. As he stood, letting the light warm his face, his mind wandered back to those days when it didn’t matter, back to those places where he knew nothing but happiness and the world was perfect.

Time was ticking as he leaned on the railing of the bridge he stood on, watching the sun rise. It wa one of his favourite events of the day - one of those that were bound to be there every day until the day when there would be no bridge he’s stand on, no railing he’d lean on and no sun he’d wait for. He liked to think that the life-giving star was there just for him and him only, that at least something was still trying to keep him alive. Sadly enough, no one of his own kind gave a damn about him.

And so he often caught himself wondering if it all wasn’t just a dream. That the world he lived in was a pure illusion his mind produced out of his worst fears. That the things he felt were not there because it was simply impossible for something to hurt so much. He wondered when he’d finally wake up and go back to those days when all that could hurt him would be a scraped knee or a bruised arm. However, much to his bitterness, there was no alarm that would wake him up, no sign that the world was just a nightmare.

He suffered alone and the only hope for him was to wait for a miracle to happen, which wasn’t going to happen because people said that miracles were rare and they needed to be deserved. So there certainly wasn’t one waiting for a person like Lee Sungyeol was.

He had liked fairy tales ever since he could remember. He would listen to his mother reading various kinds of adventurous stories with monsters, princesses and heroes who always saved the day, until his eyelids would start to feel heavy and the last thing he’d remember before falling asleep would be his mother’s voice whispering him a “good night” before pecking his forehead and going away.

But even as a child, he had never believed in fairy tales.

Little Sungyeol was a child who experienced the bitter taste of life at a tender age and never did he learn how to live with it. If people knew him (they didn’t) they would think that he  _was_  just a child trapped inside a body of a man. Because he would start to cry in the middle of a street for no apparent reason and people would give him judging looks. What right do they have, to judge him?

They didn’t know what went through his mind right in that moment.

They didn’t know that he had been fighting tears for too long, that he had been strong for too long and that he finally deserved to be weak for turn. They didn’t know that he was alone in the world. That all it took for him to be alone was one day, one day and a while of not paying attention. One would think it couldn’t have gotten any worse, but people were just like that. They judged all the way, as if it was as natural as breathing and they blamed another person.

Ever since, Sungyeol had lived at his auntie’s, in the suburbs. All his connections had been cut, he was supposed to start anew. She was like everyone else though and he was a burden for her. And so when he finally got fed up with everything, he ran. Ran back to this former home just to find out everything was gone for too long. It was as if he had never existed. Returning, secretly hoping he’d see his past life again, just to see that all the marks of him ever being there were gone for good.

And so he had to start again. Ten years spent away from his past, he became a new person when he came back. New identity, new personality, new face, new body. Everything about him was new again and he was bitter. The world  _was_  big after all and he was just a speck of dust in that crowd of all those people with nothing to hold on, to rely on.

However, despite it being tough for him, he managed to push himself through and pick some of the dusted strings that led to his past again. Much to his horror, he found out it was way worse than he would even think it could get. The heavy, rock-hard walls of the world were falling on his fragile frame and he had no way out. Except one that was his light at the end of the tunnel. And so held onto it.

In the midst of it all, he saw  _that_  person again. He remembered the face from somewhere and as time flew, he was slowly putting the pieces of the puzzle together. It was funny how some people never changed, he thought. Without the man knowing about it, Sungyeol watched him from afar. He watched  the man as he brought himself to top with the help of his best friend and how everything suddenly worked for him.

Sungyeol was jealous back then and also somehow glad. He would feel his stomach bubble whenever he saw the man smile, his heart would love to jump out of his mouth whenever his ears caught that beautiful, deep voice. He was glad that the man had support from his friends, people to rely on; that he had a life worth living. But it soon came to light that Sungyeol was too starry-eyed, because no matter how happy a person looks, no one can ever see through them.

It was proved right the evening when Sungyeol met the man at the cemetery where his bother was buried. He saw him cry and that did horrible things to his heart. Sungyeol wondered why his mind reacted on that stupid impulse and he ruined everything. Why was he keeping the distance between the two of them when everything could be solved so easily? Why was he so nonchalant and apathetic when he could tell him right there that  _his_  mother wasn’t the one to blame, that no one was?

Because the present Sungyeol was  _new_  and he slowly started to come to dislike it. To hate himself, his new self; if not only for that, then also for all the horrid things he had come to be. He couldn’t even call himself human anymore, he was a monster that deserved nothing but a slow, endless suffering.

When Woohyun had asked him back there why he was folding the cranes, Sungyeol could have just blurted it all out, he wouldn’t suffer so much anymore. But instead, he said it was just a hobby and that Woohyun was clever enough to find out himself. Sungyeol didn’t like it when he had to lie; it wasn’t a hobby after all.

He hated it.

He wanted to tell Woohyun everything, how he had been watching him for so long, how they had actually seen each other before, a few days after the misfortune, how he slowly and against his will fell in love with him. But he didn’t say anything.

Instead, he just gave away the clues and waited for Woohyun to finally solve the riddle himself. Cruel and selfish monster, that was what Sungyeol was. Instead of putting Woohyun’s burdens off his shoulders, he just put some more there so he himself wouldn’t have go through all that alone.

Apart from Woohyun, there was another, tiny hope that would  get him back to his old life. That little spark however, was dying down with every second that passed as it was the very same miracle Sungyeol was hoping to happen. He was trying too hard to get the light of that particular hope shine on him that he hurt others. And even without realising it, he was hurting himself as well. It was one of those rare cases where, no matter what kind, the pain became insignificant.

But the hope was still there, the hope that his mother would wake up again.

Sungyeol didn’t believe in fairy tales. But there were occasions where believing in wouldn’t hurt. Folding paper cranes to make a wish was the only tale he believed so far.

And he really wanted it to be true. 

Woohyun decided to drive straight to work, there was no point in going back home and putting away the pans Myungsoo oh so accidentaly dropped. Speaking of the boy, Woohyun had to fight to urge to turn the vehicle around and take him back with him. After all, a boy with Myungsoo’s face was not exactly safe in the modern world full of the creatures we call ones of our own.

The streets were nearly lifeless, Woohyun couldn’t be surprised - after all the sun was just rising. And so he drove quite slowly, one hand leisurely guiding the steering wheel, the other brushing over his lips and chin as his mind wandered back to the day he’d last met with Sungyeol. The dream he had earlier was still bothering him, more like the boy’s face was bothering him.

There was still that theory he had since the time he had met Sungyeol at the cemetery - the day when he had found out what his name was. Somewhere in the deepest pit of his soul, he knew that the theory  _was_  right, he just wouldn’t admit it, because it’d mean so much. Denial, it was.

Taking a shortcut, he drove alongside a river. As the sun was still rising, the beam was illuminating the road ahead of him and it was beautiful. He was getting closer and closer to the workplace, passing numerous bridges, even some cars and people. There he saw him; standing on a bridge Woohyun was just approaching, staring his way, right into the sun.

And so he immediately pulled over, the sentence  _‘He’s just a stranger.’_  chanting in his head like a broken tape. He quietly approached the other, who didn’t seem to notice at all. Keeping the distance, Woohyun leaned against the railing as well, but with back facing the sun.

“I wouldn’t expect to meet you so often.” he mused, a smirk making its way to his face.

Sungyeol was more than surprised to see the other there, yet he managed to look relaxed. “Same goes for me.” he chuckled afetr a while, averting his attention from the sun.

“We really happen to meet a lot, given that we’re, in fact, strangers.” Woohyun remarked.

“Are we strangers, really?” Sungyeol asked, being somewhat amused. “Silly me, I thought you’d know by now.” he added then, looking a bit disappointed.

 Woohyun gulped, without answering.  _‘He’s just a stranger.’_

“I know you.” Sungyeol continued and the smirk on Woohyun’s face faded away.

“You do?”

“Yes, I do. And you know me too.”

“N-no, I don’t.” Woohyun stammered, making himself look ridiculous.  _'He's just a stranger.'_

“Try to remember, Nam Woohyun-sshi.” Sungyeol smiled. “Eventually, it will make sense to you.”

Woohyun was frozen in place, as silence fell on them. Denial was completely out of question by then.

Sungyeol was the boy whom he met those years ago when he was taken to the police station, Sungyeol was the boy who survived it all, Sungyeol was Lee Daeyeol’s brother.

Admitting all of that to himself, Woohyun suddenly felt how  _obvious_  it all was, what an idiot he had made of himself. Unable to utter a word, he stood and stared as the orange light was pouring down on Sungyeol’s figure; the boy was literally glowing. It was kind of interesting how the light changed to colour of his contacts even - they were no longer clearly blue and it was really strange, the colour - Woohyun didn’t have the word to name it. But it was beautiful to look at.

“You know,” Sungyeol broke the silence again, “I really like sunrises.” he stated, continuing to watch the beauty.

Woohyun cracked a small smile. “So do I. They’re wonderful, aren’t they?”

“Yes, indeed. They give out the hope I haven’t had in a long time.”

And Woohyun felt his smile disappearing once again.


	6. Seeing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he sees.

 

_"Sunrises. They give out the hope I haven't had in a long time."_

The corners of  Woohyun's lips started to fall downwards and his teeth were drawn out to chew on the bottom lip. He knew why Sungyeol said everything he said, but somehow that little remaining piece of denial he had kept in was itching. Admitting things surely was one of the toughest things a person could manage to do, it seemed, because deciding to admit something and actually admitting it were two completely different things and Woohyun was still stuck on the deciding part.

"They sure do." he mused, tearing his eyes away from the sun and turned his back on it, enjoying the warmth. "I would ask you why you're here, but now I see that the answer is quite obvious." he added, smirking.

"Is it?"

"Is it not?"

"Define 'obvious'. I might have come here to just watch the sun or I'm waiting for someone. Maybe both or neither. It could be something entirely different." Sungyeol smiled, not that Woohyun saw it, though. "Say, do you like guessing?"

"No, I don't." the other sighed. "I don't necessarily hate it, but I have to admit that I have never been a good guesser. Surprise me." he added, already smirking. He liked such conversations - kind of enigmatic, yet so light like a blow of a spring breeze.

"I have been coming here every once in a while to just watch the sun ever since I came back to Seoul. It's kind of relaxing, actually, knowing it would still be there. That is all there is behind me being here." Sungyeol explained.

Woohyun frowned. "I see." he murmured to himself; the 'since I came back to Seoul' confused him. He pushed it to the back of his mind, deciding to think of it later, though. "Are you going somewhere now?" he asked instead, smiling.

"Maybe." Sungyeol replied.

"Perhaps you'll want a lift then?"

The taller of the two turned to face the other. "I don't see why not." he said, already walking ahead.

Woohyun followed right after, having the sun's rays seeping into the black fabric of his jacket. It all felt so awfully familiar that he felt like the past was repeating the same way, just a few years later. Walking behind Sungyeol, having his back in sight; Woohyun felt like he had seen it somewhere before. But the images were blurry and so was his mind that very morning.

The ride went in silence, it seemed that neither of them had found the need to talk and it was comfortable that way. Woohyun couldn't help but occasionally glance at the passenger seat where Sungyeol was blankly staring out of the window, watching the world pass by. He held in the urge to sigh, because there simply wasn't more inappropriate occasion for that, and kept his eyes on the road, mouth sealed shut. That was until he realised he didn't know where Sungyeol was heading.

"Where do you want me to drop you off?" he asked after clearing his throat awkwardly - very much so.

"Wherever you like." Sungyeol responded, not moving an inch.

Woohyun didn't answer; sometimes the mystery around Sungyeol was a bit over the limit. Or perhaps it was just too much for his overworked brain. The ungodly hour added its share to the cup as well. And so he just muttered a soft "okay" before letting silence embrace them again.

It didn't take long before he pulled over in front of a not so large building where he worked. "I'd let you out somewhere else, but it's an undeniable fact that I'm late again." he apologised sadly.

Sungyeol just smiled at him, "There's no need to apologise." he said, "I said it's okay wherever you drop me, so thank you." he added, before getting out of the car with the other close in tail.

"If you don't mind me asking, where are you headed?" Woohyun asked as they trudged from the car park. After all, if he ran, it surely wouldn't change the fact that he was late anyway.

"To be honest, I don't quite know myself." Sungyeol admitted. "Life dances in various ways. I guess I'll just have to wait and see where it takes me next."

Woohyun grinned, "And until then?"

"You know, for someone who's late for work, you have too many questions for a random  _stranger_." Sungyeol smirked, using Woohyun's words against him.

And so Woohyun replied in exactly the same fashion, "We're not strangers, though, are we?" he shot Sungyeol his million watt smile, before adding, "Till the next time then."

Then he fastened his steps and soon disappeared from Sungyeol's sight. Sungyeol was smiling lightly to himself as he walked away slowly; he could say that it was the first time he felt something that slightly resembled happiness. Little did he know that there was someone with them all along, listening to their every word, watching their every step and taking evidence.

Looks that meant nothing but disinterest were shot Myungsoo's way as he penetrated through the little crowd of still the same faces. He had been to that place many times before yet he had never gotten used to how  _low_  it was there. Lights flickering, filth everywhere, windows about to shatter, paint on the walls coming off - almost like a place cut from a bad horror. Myungsoo was sometimes even scared to look at the ceiling and the corners of the wretched building; the mere image of what might live there was just enough.

Myungsoo knew it there, it had always been like that. That place was something he could call home, because he could always return there yet he hated it there almost as much as he hated himself.

Many of the people, if they could be called that, were sleeping on tables, some even under, as not only alcohol had taken over their senses. Those few that were still up and could stand, slowly swayed their bodies around even though there was no music, just a low chatter. It didn't matter if it was noon or midnight, it looked the same all the the time. Among the few who looked alive was the bartender and a random man talking to him.

And then there was  _him_. Sitting near the poor music equipment the bar had, quietly downing in one shot after another and scanning the place with an interesting glint in his fox-like eyes; Myungsoo knew that spark so much it was disgusting. The man wore what was usual for him - black leather jacket over a v-neck grey t-shirt and way too tight black jeans ripped maybe a bit too high. All that with black boots, a bit of eyeliner and messed up nest of red hair.

Their eyes met the second Myungsoo stepped in, however the boy liked to pretend he didn't see. After all, nothing could be good when it came to that man. However, that was the paradox in Myungsoo's life. He'd do anything just so he wouldn't have to come there again, he was even prepared to die, yet somehow, he was still being pulled back. That night when Woohyun came to his rescue, he had come to terms with his fate. He even wanted to be gone. Yet as it seemed, someone possessing higher powers didn't want him gone and so Woohyun was there that night. And after those few weeks they had spent together? Myungsoo didn't want to even hear about dying anymore.

So there he was. Back in that bloody place stinking of things that were all but pleasant, ordering a shot of whatever came to hand. The bartender didn't bother asking what Myungsoo wanted, he went for the closest bottle even before the boy could open his mouth to say something. As the glass was pushed to his hand, by the corner of his eye he noticed the red hair moving towards him. He downed the bitter liquid and before the burning sensation spreading from his throat downwards was gone, there was the man sitting next to him.

"It's been weeks." he murmured, but Myungsoo heard it clearly.

"So?" Myungsoo snapped. "I'm not your pet like some others might be, so why do you care?"

The man didn't bat an eyelash. "You  _are_  special, though. I was worried."

"Sure you were."

"I mean it."

Myungsoo sighed, "No, you don't." he stared at his empty glass, spinning it with his fingers. Somehow he wished that the man would mean his words at least once.  But impossible things were impossible for a reason. "Why are you still around here, though? With possibilities you have I'd be gone in a second." he asked after a while of silence.

"You're not me." the man smirked. "Why do  _you_  keep coming back, though? As far as I know, not having a place to stay at is not a problem you'd have to deal with."

"How would you know?" Myungsoo asked.

"Little birds. They whisper to me." the man grinned widely, his eyes disappearing.

"How come I'm not surprised."

Before he could register what was happening, Myungsoo's back was pressed against the flaked surface of the bar, the man's body surrounding his like a cage, their faces close. "Now really," the man started, voice dangerously low, "why are you here again? That handsome boy whose place you've been staying at would surely take care of your pretty face longer, if not for good. So  _why_ , for god's sake, did you come back here?"

Myungsoo smirked, "Why, are you jealous?"

"I don't have a reason to be, do I?" the man pulled back a little, making space for the other.

"I don't know, do you?" Myungsoo asked, licking his lips blankly. "I came back here, because I want  _it._ " he half-whispered, feeling himself leaning nearer towards the man's face again.

"For a second I thought you got over it." smirking, the man cupped Myungsoo's face in his hands way too gently and as well, he leaned forward, until there was a paper-thin space left between their lips.

"I wish." Myungsoo managed to whisper before there was no space in between and he guided his arms around the man's neck. Slowly, but with firm steps, the man led the way to the back of the bar with his eyes closed; he knew the place all too well.

Behind the closed door, when clothes were being torn from their bodies, Myungsoo hated that man almost as much as he hated his own guts, nonetheless, getting over something was a long process, because it also depended on how much Myungsoo wanted and truth be told, for a second there, when the man sent chills down his whole body and he squirmed in his strong hold, Myungsoo didn't know  _what_  he wanted. 

It was two days later that Woohyun woke up with a smile on his face; it was Saturday, 23rd of November, and he didn't have to go to work. It was pure delight to see the sun outside from his bedroom and not from his office. Getting up to fetch himself some breakfast, he had a reason to heavy out a sigh, though. Perhaps he should have known that Sungyeol would disappear again, it had been silly not to think so. He came to a conclusion that Sungyeol would show up sooner or later anyway and so there was nothing to worry about.  
   
Why he would worry was another question with no answer.  
   
However, his laptop welcomed him with two messages from Howon, who apparently got in trouble with one of his business partners and needed a hand, and one from Sungjong who only urged him to help Howon as the man was clearly at loss. Woohyun chuckled at that, typing a message back right away and setting up a meeting with his friend for that very afternoon. He was about to send some witty response to Sungjong also, but knocking on his door prevented him from doing so.

Quite bewildered, he trudged towards the door, opening it slowly. He couldn't hide his surprise when he saw two policemen he knew from before.

"Greetings." one of them smiled, quite slyly.

Woohyun nodded in response, already wondering what had gone wrong again. He silently invited the officers in and seated them in his living room.

"Perhaps you've read the papers already?" the other one asked, handing Woohyun that day's newspapers and Woohyun hesitantly started to go through.

His eyes widened the moment he got to second page, seeing himself leaving his car along with Sungyeol who, according to the men's facial expressions, shouldn't have been there with him at all.


	7. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it is about decisions.

 

It hurt. 

And it hurt a little too much.

Myungsoo, in all honesty he could find within himself, hated his naivety to the point it became unbearable. One would think he'd get used to it given how long he'd been going through it. Over and over. However every time he found himself in that very same place and the very same time of a day, he'd feel the pain strike him again. Because some things never change. People who knew him, and there were many, thought he still had yet to understand that people were all bastards, that the world was a rotten place to live and that life was more of a curse than a blessing.

However, Myungsoo knew it all. And it was just his naivety that prevented him from admitting that, because what if something could change; what if there was something or someone to make his life worth living.

But because some things never change, he was in pain again; one step closer to giving up trying to keep himself away from getting hurt. There was an empty space next to him, just like he knew it would be. Glancing around the room, there were only his clothes scattered around, just like he knew they would be. It was all just like he hoped it wouldn't be.

Sighing, he got up, gathered his clothes from the dusty floor and dressed up. He wondered how it was still psychically possible for him to  _have hopes_  for something when they were crushed so many times. Sometimes he would even want to cry because of his own stupidity. People usually moved on after realising they'd hoped for something that was unlikely to come true; Myungsoo didn't. Stubborn, selfish. That was what he was.

And so, just like everytime he was there, he grabbed the thing that got him into the vicious circle from the nightstand and heaving yet another sigh, he left the room without looking back.

A small bag of a white powder in his pocket, he felt numb.

Because frankly, some things never change.

 

"Don't worry." he said, "It's nothing too big, I'll get you out of it."

Woohyun sighed for an umpteenth time that day; of course he was going to get out of it because he simply had to. There hadn't been so many scenarios of what could happen flying through his mind in what seemed like forever. He didn't want to think; just stop his mind and wait until everything would be over. Sadly enough, there was is lawyer with blank facial expression on right across the table they had been sitting at for good half an hour. Oh boy and did Woohyun know that face; the man was already calculating the time it would take for the 'scandal' to die down; how long it would take for them to go back to their lives.

Somehow though, Woohyun sensed it wasn't 'nothing too big'. He was known for his politeness in public and for his gentle yet sneaky ways of getting people where  _he_  wanted. He had always played the tune and everyone else danced to it. The whole thing just assured him again what bastards people could be; it also made him wonder if the money they got for selling that blurred picture was worth it. But then again, some people lacked conscience.

He knew what was coming, what people would expect him to do; it was so simple and because it was so simple it was so terrifying.

"I don't think so." he voiced his opinion after while, looking out of the window; it was quite windy outside.

"Don't you?" the man frowned. "It's simple, though."

There it was. The simplicity.

Annoyance slowly starting to boil up in his veins, Woohyun sucked in a deep breath before turning his head to the man, "Dongwoo-ssi, I know you've been working in this field for quite some time already and I trust you, okay? I really do, but this is all but simple."

Dongwoo seemed amused. "I don't think so. All you need to do is-"

"-throw it all on him, right?" Woohyun interjected, "But what if I don't want to lie? It was me who, completely deliberately, offered him a lift."

The elder looked slightly surprised,  "Okay, well, given the fact that you can't say you didn't know who he is, it's going to take longer." he stated, "And the fact that you had told the police you didn't know him while you  _did_  know him, is going to be a hard nut to crack. You probably will spend a few days in custody. After all, having ties, however small, with a criminal is not equal to stealing sweets."

"But you'll manage."

"Of course." Dongwoo smiled, "It will be better if you don't say anything for now. Just leave it on me."

Slight marks of relief were visible on Woohyun's face; he relaxed a bit. Knowing the elder, he knew he wouldn't push him to lying if he didn't want to; the man was just looking for the easiest option and Woohyun understood. So when he was leaving, Woohyun shot him a little smile which was immediately returned in a form of toothy grin. Sometimes Woohyun thought that the man bared his teeth a little too much, but he couldn't deny that it was adding to the pile of positive energy that was just oozing from him.

After Dongwoo left him alone, the two very agitated policemen stepped in to his appartment again, just  _eager_  to finally take him to the station to fill up in whole pile of different kinds of papers. It was little miracle that he had managed to hold them up for a bit so he could talk to Dongwoo first. He liked the man; he was one of the few Woohuyn considered to be reasonable and not judgmental at all. Someone who liked his job and did it well; over the years he had known the elder, he could could never recognise whether he was talking to his lawyer or his best friend. Professional attitude on one side and friendly encouragements on the other - from Woohyun's point of view, that was the best description of the man.

He wondered whether Sungyeol had seen the papers by then and if he had, what was going through his mind; it was amusing - everyone who didn't know anything about either of them would think that they were somewhat  _involved_  with each other and that it was just another scandal in the circle of the famous.

It never was like in the movies; the men accompanied Woohyun to their car in complete peace, as if there was some kind of certainty that he wouldn't escape.

And well, he didn't.

However, he would lie if he said he didn't feel excitement run through his body when he thought of just forgetting everything and running away.

Judging glances, bewildered stares and conspicuous whispers.

Woohyun had to smirk; it was almost flattering that he had a name among ordinary people, but perhaps he shouldn't feel anyhow happy given the situation he found himself in. He tried not to look around too much, but sometimes his body just didn't listen and after scanning the place a few times, he already knew he wouldn't be able to work there; he was used to working in peace and organised space. Two major things the police station didn't have.

He winced a bit when he was seated at a desk with absolutely nothing on it except for a small lamp. They were not exaggerating in all those movies, he noted, when they were interrogating suspects. He would laugh if he could; it was all to ridiculous to be real.

Say nothing, Dongwoo had said. After all, it was his right to keep his mouth closed and laugh inwardly at the police's useless attempts to get something out of him. The man talking to him was ugly, Woohyun noticed; way too small eyes for such a big face, strands of grey in that sparse mess that was left of his hair and a wide mouth that liked to talk too much. Woohyun blocked out his voice and just studied his appearance in silence. Judging by the policeman's behaviour and the way he kept pacing around the cramped room, Woohyun guessed that instead a normal meals, the man had had several mugs of coffee that day. So much for a healthy lifestyle, he thought. 

Soon the man gave up and another came in, apparently taking over. Woohyun smiled at their childish efforts to break him; he wondered if they really couldn't understand that he wasn't going to talk until Dongwoo would tell him to or if they were to be stuck there with them until their working hours would be over. He didn't know for how long he had been sitting in that room, but he couldn't hide his relief when they finally gave up on trying and led him away.

When they took him out, he noticed that sun was already behind the horizon, light disappearing from the sky; also the station was half-empty, only a few were either about to leave or still engrossed in their work. No one seemed to notice him and his guard passing by, though; it was as of it was like that on daily basis and well, Woohyun couldn't say it wasn't.

He was pushed into a room separated into two parts whilst the wall separating the room was barred. Woohyun already figured what was going on, even before the guard told him. For the night, he was going to stay there before they'd decide where to put him next. Standard protocol, he said and Woohyun had to suppress the urge to scoff. Nonetheless, soon he was left on the other side of the barred wall, while a guard was sitting at a desk on the other, obviously to watch him.

Being given time to think over things he had and hadn't done, he sat down on a creaky bed he was provided with and leaned against the wall. He thought back to the past, far, far away, years back. Back to the night when colours turned to black and white; when life turned upside-down. He hadn't been there when it had happened, but his brother had been there. All Woohyun knew, he knew from him. And yet their opinions on it parted. Nonetheless, Woohyun didn't know what he'd do if his brother didn't get out of it.

He thought about their father, who couldn't stand it just like Woohyun couldn't, but for the sake of his sons he endured it. Still, Woohyun didn't cry at his funeral when everyone was bawling their eyes out and he didn't know why he didn't. Some distant relative guessed he was just in shock and perhaps he really was. Still in shock because how much alcohol does it take to kill a person? He had never gotten to know the answer.

He thought about his brother who, even with all the troubles they had been through together, made it and had a happy life ahead. Wonderful wife, beautiful son and the past long forgotten. If there was someone who deserved felicity, Woohyun decided it was his brother.

He thought about himself; what a selfish and rotten fool he was and had been all along.

He thought about everything that came to his mind and let himself be carried away on his train of thoughts. Until there was nothing, until his head hit the pillow and his eyes closed.

When he came to his senses again, it was darker in the room. It didn't take him long to realise where he was; he still sensed the dim light the guard still had on. However, something didn't quite fit in the picture and it all made sense when he wobbled into sitting position and turned around. The guard was fast asleep with his head buried in his arms on the desk and a very familiar lanky frame was kneeling on the other side of the barred wall.

"Evening."

Woohyun chuckled, "Why am I not surprised."

"I came to apologise." Sungyeol muttered lowly. "It, after all, is my fault that you're having an uncomfortable night now."

"And more nights of the sort are yet to come." Woohyun smiled, "Perhaps I shouldn't ask, but I'm curious."

"Go ahead."

"How did you get all the way here?"

Sungyeol grinned, "Would you believe me if I told you I'm not doing this for the first time?" he asked.

"Maybe."

Woohyun watched as the other slid his hand into one of his pockets and pulled out a key, vaguely shining in the dim light. Even without words, what Sungyeol was about to do was obvious. He felt a familiar form of excitement shooting through his whole body, silently watching as Sungyeol quietly got rid of the lock, opening the barred door.

He stared for a few moments at the hand stretched out for him, thinking whether to take it or not.

"Will you accept my apology?" Sungyeol whispered, patiently waiting.

It was a rarity in his life; a rarity that was bound to happen from time to time.

And so it happened again that in all honesty, Woohyun didn't know what to do.


	8. Fleeing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he's oblivious.

_"Will you accept my apology?"_

Woohyun stared at Sungyeol, completely ignoring his outstreched hand. There was honesty and maybe guilt. Woohyun didn't know what to do at that moment, and it seemed like more than ten minutes that he was considering both options. Sungyeol though, was a patient person. The risk the other went through just to get to him and to get him out - realising all that, Woohyun was honestly bewildered. They knew each other, yes, but they were still, in fact, strangers. And if it were the other way around, Woohyun wasn't sure he'd risk the same for Sungyeol.

And so, when he was just about to agree, by the corner of his eye he noticed the guard sttirring in his sleep and fear covered him so quickly like fire destroying a piece of paper.

"No." he blurted, avoiding the eye-contact. Even though he couldn't see it, he felt the disappointment falling on his head from Sungyeol's eyes. He saw his hand falling back to his side and limply hanging there afterwards. It would be a lie to tell that Woohyun felt like he'd done the right thing. He certainly didn't.

"I understand." came Sungyeol's reply, to which Woohyun raised his head to look on him again.

"Are you mad?" Woohyun asked, immediately wanting to punch himself.

Sungyeol chuckled, "I can't possibly be. For someone who's never been in trouble it's only understandable that you want it to go on that way." he said, "And even I have to admit that this is risky." he added, "So yes, I understand and I'm not mad."

Woohyun didn't answer; there weren't any suitable words. It was as if his wit had left him. When he looked up again, Sungyeol was no longer paying attention to him; he was focused on folding a tiny crane in his hands. Even in the dim light he noticed that it was blue; what an irony.

Woohyun watched how quickly his hands moved, he guessed he must have made quite a lot of them. Being done, he quietly walked over to the guard's desk and placed the crane on his head. Woohyun smiled.

"I'll get going, these guards are usually light-sleepers." Sungyeol chuckled. "If he asked, tell him I was here." he added, smiling. Woohyun would lie if he said he didn't see tears glisten in the other's eyes and hear the sadness dropping from his words.

Despite that, he grinned, "Sure."

"It was nice seeing you again." Sungyeol waved and slowly set out, aiming for the door.

"Wait..." Woohyun called, pausing. When Sungyeol turned around and their eyes met, he continued, "Thank you."

Sungyeol merely nodded and then disappeared in the darkness. Being left alone again, Woohyun sighed seeing the opened door of his cell. He felt like an idiot by right. However, something had broken in him just before Sungyeol left. When their eyes met, Woohyun for the first time in a while thought something blue was beautiful.

What an irony it was that something so full of remorse and disillusion could be so astonishing. Every time they had met before, Woohyun hadn't really thought of it, only that night he saw. Sungyeol's eyes were beautiful.

 

The lights were blinding and Sunggyu felt a drop of sweat trickle down his temple. His throat was sore, his mouth dry; it was hot in that place. It always had been - he was used to it just as he was used to seeing empty tables with empty chairs all over the place. His hands, so shaky before he began, were starting to hold still. He was getting to it again. His drug, one of the two things keeping him alive.

His voice found its way through his throat as he heard the soft piano tunes filling his ears; he found the missing confidence. Though singing was supposed to make him happy just like it used to, he was sad as the words he wrote himself left his lips and molded with the music. Whenever he set his feet onto that stage, sadness kind of consumed him like black holes consume light.

Sunggyu saw him the moment his eyes darted into the empty space full of tables covered in cigarette ash and dust and chairs occasionally flipped over. Just in that little dark corner of the whole place was one chair occupied. Sunggyu liked to pretend he didn't catch the other or notice his presence; he knew Myungsoo liked doing that as well. And all of a sudden he remembered their talk the other day.

_"Why are you still around here, though? With possibilities you have I'd be gone in a second."_

There was a pinch of a point in those words. Sunggyu had the voice, he had the looks which was all he needed in the world as it was. The question still stood. Why wouldn't he just go? Why was he still stuck with that stage that stood still just thanks to a few supporting beams, with bright lights that grew dim after a few minutes, with poor equipment and empty chairs when he could have overflowing concert halls and staff listening to his every word?

The answer, despite him denying it, was sitting right in that dark corner. When the song was nearing to its end, they finally looked at each other. The high notes came right after, the song reaching its very peak and Sunggyu was close to tears. Still, there was no attempt to break the eye-contact between the two of them, no blinking. As he was singing, even through the tears, he tried to read from those eyes that had always looked like they had so much to tell. He saw nothing but disappointment and regrets. He wondered what Myungsoo thought, yet on the other hand he maybe didn't want to know.

However, when the song came to an end and he was leaving the stage, until the very last moment, he kind of wanted Myungsoo to go and sing with him up there. Because unlike many, Sunggyu knew Myungsoo had the voice too.

 

When Sunggyu disappeared in the back, Myungsoo felt guilty. The images of Sunggyu tightly gripping the microphone, passing it from one hand to the other, of him closing his eyes when the high notes came. For the whole time, he had had the urge to get up and go there. His body had felt stiff the whole time; his bones went harder, his muscles tightened. His mind was foggy, vision blurry. He liked the feeling of only him being in the audience, it felt like Sunggyu was there singing just for him, though the truth was most likely different. Selfishness had always had a reason for existing.

No one had even heard Myungsoo sing, maybe because there never were people who would stay long enough to hear and maybe because he didn't sing just for anyone. He regretted not going up next to the man, he regretted thinking too much. Because what would have happened if he actually had gone up there? Maybe, he thought, it was good that the brain had defeated the heart in that battle. That he had decided to sit still instead of going. That he had decided to hurt himself instead of doing what he wanted to do.

Though, as he was sitting alone with no one else being in the room, he wondered what he was still doing there, because yes, he didn't want to leave when Sunggyu was still there. But in Myungsoo's dictionary Sunggyu meant love with hurt in tail. If he left, Woohyun would be there, caring and sweet just like always. If he left, he would have everything. Just not Sunggyu.

In that war, the heart had been winning since the start. 

Indeed, the guard was bewildered when he found Woohyun sleeping in an open cell in the morning. Of course, Woohyun told him everything that had happened, explained why the crane was there and how he could've escaped. Apparently the guard wasn't sure what to do and so he decided to be quiet about it because most likely, it would cost him the position.

Life behind the bars wasn't as bad as everyone put it, but it wasn't something Woohyun would like to stay in. It had been days since they had thrown him in there he had already lost the count; it hadn't been a week yet, though. He had no idea what was going on outside, and even though he knew he didn't have to worry about his company, because his employees surely took good care of it. What he was worried about was Sungyeol.

Since that night, he felt his insides tighten with guilt whenever he remembered his face just before he had left. He regretted that he hadn't gone with him, he could have gotten all the answers he needed, he could have gotten to know the other better in general. Yet he had been a coward and stayed behind the bars; guilt had been eating him up from the inside since that night. He couldn't have expected to hear a word from Sungyeol, but even so he kind of did. And when there was nothing coming, he felt anxious. 

It was sometime in the afternoon that a guard came in, sent the one who'd been there since the morning away and began unlocking Woohyun's cell.

"What's going on?" he asked, giving the guard a suspicious look.

The guard returned the look; he looked rather uninterested if something at all. "You're free to go." he said. "Don't forget to thank your lawyer."

Woohyun's lips suddenly stretched into a wide smile, "Oh don't worry, I definitely will." he grinned, brushing past the man and headed towards the exit. Once he was outside with his wallet and phone back in his hands, he immediately dialled Dongwoo's number.

_"Oh, Woohyun."_ came the elder's voice once he picked up the call.

"You are honestly the best." Woohyun beamed; he was sure Dongwoo could hear the smile he'd been wearing since he stepped into the sunny day. "I just wanted to thank you for being so fast." he added.

_"It's my job."_  Dongwoo laughed.  _"It would've been even quicker, but the policemen were of the tougher kind this time."_

"It caused me no trouble at all. Just, thank you."

_"As I said, it's my job. Though, if I were you, I'd still be careful. Sadly enough, I wasn't able to hold everything in and some of the information had leaked out. It's not as bad_ _now_ _as it was, but it hasn't completely died down yet. Your photos are still in some newspapers and here and there on the internet."_ Dongwoo explained, on a more serious note.

"Okay, understood. Thanks again."

_"No problem. I'll call you later, I'm kind of busy now. Sorry."_

"Of course."

Then the call ended and with his re-gained freedom, Woohyun happily set off towards his apartment. With the sun and fresh air there, everything suddenly seemed easier and he got the feeling that even though he still felt guilty, he'd be able to settle everything soon.

Literally everything. 

_"Of course."_

Dongwoo hung up the phone first, placing it back on the table. Sighing, he focused his attention back to his very important guest. "He's out." he stated calmly, smirk finding its way to his lips.

"Wonderful." the other returned the smirk. "It's a great advantage of ours, the trust he puts in you."

"Oh, you have your share on it as well, don't forget about that." Dongwoo grinned, showing his infamous teeth.

"Right."

Smiling, he suggested, "So how about we continue where we left off?"

Receiving a smile and a "I would love that.", he got up from his chair and slowly walked over, immediately sealing their lips together. A hand went up to tangle in his hair and another to unbutton his already half opened button-up. He smirked into the kiss and indeed he had a reason to do so.

Because there always is a lot going on behind closed doors. 


	9. Apologising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's so much to apologise for.

_Crouched in a corner, tears were running down his cheeks constantly as he listened to his mother's spiteful words. He didn't understand. Even though the poison in her voice and the anger wrapped around her words like ivy were not meant for him, he felt his chest clench with hurt and if truth be told, he thought it would hurt less if he were the one receiving the insults of all kinds his mother spit out._

_He never meant to listen in on his parents arguing. He truly would rather sleep cuddled beside his brother, however nightmares about falling and never reaching ground chased sleep from his eyes. He had heard his father's voice coming from the kitchen and full of delight, he got up and raced there._

_He had stopped midway once he heard his mother. His father was supposed to return only the following week and his early return, he guessed, was also one of the reasons his mother fumed over. Whenever his father spoke, or attempted to speak, a small wave of relief washed over his shoulders because despite the rage his mother was oozing, he kept as calm as he possibly could._

_He understood a bit, when in between other words he heard his father reproach the woman for “gambling” and “drinking too much”; he was suddenly sure the bottle of alcohol she had bought earlier that day wasn't there any more. When he heard glass break, tears flowed faster._

The light had been green for quite a while, Woohyun guessed, as the driver behind him was getting quite impatient. He shook the memories off, stepped on the pedal roughly, even the motor screeched disapprovingly, and the car moved forward.

Even when he had been released from his unpleasantly stinking custodial cell mere hours before, the momentary feeling of happiness had gone away within minutes. When he'd come home, no one had been there to welcome him back or to tell him that they knew it was going to be all right. (just like no one had been there for him the night his parents fought and saw each other for the last time)

Just a ton of messages from Howon, some from his secretary, some from the company's managers; somehow it seemed that they all had been eager to just usher him back to work as if nothing had even gone on. And so he took the car and was on his way to work again to get an overall picture of the state his company found itself in. Night was coming and he, thankfully, had plans for later on.

Among the messages there was one that made him smile a little. Howon had asked him for a night out, to which Woohyun gladly agreed.

He hadn't been out with someone for quite a while and he felt he could afford that luxury for one night.

_“Let's put an end to this.” he heard his father say._

_There was a pause; so long that it made Woohyun uncover his ears behind the door and listen in again. Then came a loud and rather hysterical laugh from his mother, who seemed not to believe the words she had heard._

_“You want a divorce?” she asked, mocking his father, “What do you think you'll get from that? Do you want to get rid of the kids? Of me?” she asked then, laughter still erupting from her throat._

_Woohyun quickly closed his palms around the shells of his ears to block the words at least a bit. He still could hear everything._

_“I want to get rid of all the trouble you've caused me so far. And I'll do my best to keep the boys with me.” he said, still keeping his calm composure._

_As scared as he was, Woohyun for a split second imagined what it would be like to live with his father, and truly the idea of that was wonderful. Even though his father had always been a busy man, Woohyun was sure he'd be able to take care of them unlike his mother. It was only natural for children to pick their mother when being asked whom of their parents they liked more, however in Woohyun's case, if he was asked, he wouldn't know who to pick._

_"If you want to take this to court then suit yourself.“ he heard the woman say, “You have nothing but your words against me. They won't leave the kids with you."_

_“You can't stop me from trying.“ his father said._

_“As you wish then.”_

_ _

His father disappeared that night. He and his brother saw him only after their mother had been arrested for what she'd done; more or less, they were entrusted to his care until the officials would consider her able to take care of them again, which never even happened as she'd taken her life away even before she was released and the brothers, by then, were already of age.

Their father had never talked of that night and Woohyun didn't wonder why. His brother never asked. The man later disappeared from their lives and they never said anything against it as it was his own decision and they, as his children, respected it.

His brother had gone to the States soon after and so Woohyun was by himself. He never minded; if truth be told, he prefered solitude over the company of other people. Most of the time.

The inscribed numbers his fingers lightly traced felt cold under his touch.

_August 22nd 2003._

Ten years was a long while, yet in his memory the day was still so vivid as if it happened just the day before. He didn't cry any more. People died every day and their families mourned them every day; he concluded there was no need for more tears in the world.

Occasionally, one or two drops of sad memories would roll down his cheek. Only when no one was looking.

_Wide grin was spread on his face like butter on bread as he watched his brother sleep with his mouth open. He was just reaching out to pinch his nose and have some fun, when a warning came from the passenger's seat at the front._

_“Stop making fun of your brother and fasten your seatbelt properly, Sungyeol.” his mother ordered, small smile hinted in her voice._

_He stuck his tongue out at her when she wasn't looking, but did as he was told. The ride was going to be long, he knew, because his grandparents lived at the countryside. For him it meant four hours of boredom in the car and constant bouncing due to the barely maintained roads. Nonetheless, he was already looking forward to his grandmother's pancakes._

_He was just about to fall asleep and the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes, was his father quickly planting a small kiss on his mother's cheek before returning his attention back to the road. He smiled happily and silently prayed to find someone he'd love as much as his parents loved each other._

_Screeching of tires followed almost immediately and his mother's scream engraved itself deep in his memory._

He often caught himself thinking of that day; he thought of it more than was probably considered healthy. The way he still felt shreds of glass hit his arms as he had tried to protect his face, the way fear and shock danced together in his brother's eyes, the way he saw his father frantically trying to get the car to stop; he still remembered it all.

His brother had died there. His parents had been both rescued, but his father passed away later due to severe internal bleeding. His mother lived, but was in comatose state ever since. Only he had gotten out with a few scratches and childhood destroyed. He often thought that if he hadn't listened to his mother and hadn't fastened his belt, he would have in all likelihood died as well. Perhaps it would have been even better.

He had been taken away from his mother and when he came back and found her, she still looked the same. Still beautiful, serene expression gracing her face, as if she were just sleeping, a bit paler perhaps. The doctors had been bewildered because of his sudden appearance as it was known to them that he had lived with his mother's sister who never allowed him to go back.

Bewilderment had stood by his side when he'd been told that due to no improvement on his mother's health, she would have been long gone if there wasn't an annonymous donor who had been providing financial resources to keep her alive. Sungyeol hadn't known who the donor could've been at first, but he found out about the person soon enough. Truly, it was not hard to put two and two together.

He had contanced the man, he had talked with him and convinced him to stop sending money to the hospital on the behalf of his mother. Nonetheless, he was warned by the hospital afterwards that if the resources stopped coming, his mother would get dettached from the machines that kept her going as there was limited capacity of rooms for comatose patients. Naturally, there still were some who had some 'hope' unlike his mother.

Even so, he kept believing he might still see his mother smile at him and hold her hand.

Perhaps all those months of gathering information were going to pay off. He was getting closer; soon it would be over and then fate would have all in its hands.

The soothing tones entering his ear were something he needed; Howon certainly knew how to choose a bar to go to, Woohyun thought. It was not anything high-class where a wrong tie colour would cause a moral disaster, nor was it a place where drunks would be clinging to the bar begging for more alcohol.

Piano piece combined with hushed voices of people present was like honey to his ears; somehow, he felt like a normal person and not like criminal who got released from prison, nor like a director of a company that on the international market had no influence at all.

They sat at a booth in a corner of the place and Howon ordered the drinks. The wall-mounted lamp above their heads lit up and the corner was suddenly coated with dim orange light.

“Sometimes I wonder how do you even know of places like these.” Woohyun chuckled, eyes still not having enough of the place.

“You sound like you don't like it here.” Howon responded, “It's one of my favourites.” he added, taking in the familiar scent of sweet whisky, fragnant candle lit behind the bar, and a faint trace of cigarette smoke.

“No wonder. It's nice.” Woohyun smiled, getting a hold of one of the glasses the waitress brought and lifted it before his face. The ice cubes swimming in the honey-like liquid shone warmly; it truly looked like a picture from a commercial advertisement. His eyes flicked from the glass to Howon, who also took his drink.

“Cheers.” he called, bringing the glass to his lips, sucking the drink in.

Woohyun liked the warmness spreading in his throat and then travelling further down; it was something he hadn't felt in a while. The glasses made a clinking sound as they were both placed back on the table.

“Look, Woohyun,” Howon started, voice uneasy, “I know what happened. I mean with the jail and all.”

“It would be weirder if you didn't know about it.” Woohyun smiled, staring at the ice slowly melting inside his glass. “You know, I kind of hoped we could avoid talking about this tonight.” he admitted. Truth was, and no one could blame him for it, he wanted to just enjoy one night, even get drunk for once, and forget about all the trouble.

Howon sighed, “I wouldn't want to talk about it either if I were you, but I'm your bloody friend and I think I might have the right to know.” he said, perhaps a bit harsher than he'd meant in the first place.

Woohyun didn't answer and kept avoiding the other's hard gaze that was burning a hole into his head. The water from the ice was gradually filling the bottom of the glass; it was kind of interesting to watch.

“Do you know who that guy is? Do you know what could have happened?” Howon drilled, questions keeping coming out, voice unknowingly rising.

“Of course I know, can you stop treating me like a kid?” Woohyun deadpanned, sighing afterwards. “Sorry. I know, okay? And I appreciate that you care, but it's over now. Can we please talk about something else?”

Howon sighed, “For instance?”

“For instance, how is it going with that new business partner of yours? You haven't talked about him since you signed with him.” Woohyun suggested, glad they were getting away from Sungyeol and all the various scenarios of what could have happened if Woohyun hadn't been careful enough.

Howon was easily distracted in conversations especially when the topic suggested was something he was involved in. And so he talked, almost forgetting about the drink he had placed before himself and Woohyun listened, watching the ice that was still slowly dissolving into pure water.

His back facing the door, Woohyun could smoothly ignore new customers that came in, but when Howon abruptly stopped his talk about his company's management and how bad it actually was, Woohyun looked up from his glass to see his companion looking behind him, into the crowd. Woohyun turned around too to see, and Sungyeol was there, making his way to the bar without noticing either of them; apparently he knew the barkeeper.

“How about we go somewhere else?” Howon suggested out of the blue, still staring behind Woohyun.

“Didn't you say this place was one of your favourites?” Woohyun chuckled, turning back to the table.

“I think I might re-do that list.” Howon snapped, suddenly getting up, “Come on, let's go.”

“Sit down, for god's sake. You've not finished your drink yet.” Woohyun stated, fingertips circling the glass on the table. “Ignore it. You're good at that.” he added.

Much to his surprise, Howon calmed down and after a few more drinks, Sungyeol was long forgotten. Woohyun himself was delightfully tipsy, but still not as much as Howon, who couldn't even hold a glass straight. Gathering his soberness, Woohyun dialled Sungjong's number and politely asked the male if he could come and drive his brother home.

Woohyun himself decided to stay longer. When Sungjong arrived, Woohyun was asked multiple times whether or not he wanted a lift as well, but the elder always refused, occasionally glancing to the bar where Sungyeol still sat and chatted with the barkeeper.

He sat by his side once Sungjong and Howon were gone and with a light movement of his hand, he summoned the barkeeper as well as Sungyeol's attention. He paid for the drinks they drank with Howon earlier, even left a tip.

“Celebrating something?” came Sungyeol's voice from the side.

“Just killing time, I'd say.” Woohyun replied, turning to face the other, “You?”

Sungyeol smiled, “Catching up with the news.” he said, “It seemed as though your friend didn't like me.”

“Maybe because he really didn't. Don't worry about it, though. He's just a bit overprotective.” Woohyun grinned.

“So,” Sungyeol started, licking his lips, “Do you think I might have a bad influence on you?”

“If I thought so, do you think I would still be here with you?”

Sungyeol didn't answer to that; Woohyun's question truly seemed to have caught him off guard, which, as Woohyun had multiple opportunities to check during the few of their meetings, was quite rare.

“Why are you here, really?” Sungyeol asked after a while of slightly unomfortable silence. “You don't look like you're just killing time.”

“Is that so?” Woohyun chuckled, “How do I look, then?”

“Sad.”

The answer came immediately, and Woohyun got a bit startled; in the blink of an eye he was suddenly drenched in cold sweat from head to toe and he wondered what gave him away, even though it wasn't sadness he felt. Loneliness would be more accurate, and, he guessed, the alcohol that danced with his blood in his veins added to the overall feeling.

He folded his hand in his lap and kept staring down, thinking of what to reply. A lump was forming in his throat, tears were fighing their way out, because despite being at a place full of people, he felt alone and, yes, sad.

He didn't notice Sungyeol fully turning to him, nor did he notice his hand reaching out to hold his own. The touch was warm and lingering, sending vibes through Woohyun's whole body.

It didn't stop the tears from falling.

“You know,” Woohyun started then, one hand still locked in Sungyeol's hold, “I have so much to apologise to you for.”

A smile was what he received in return; pure, sincere. “And I have to be here to tell you that none of the things you're going to say you're sorry for are your fault.” Sungyeol said, “Don't worry, I have whole night.”

With his heart hammering its way out of his ribcage, Woohyun felt a tug within himself and the loneliness he'd felt had gone by a little bit.

 


	10. Solving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he doesn't understand.

Woohyun didn’t really recollect how he got home from the bar, considering that the place wasn’t just around the corner, but around a lot of corners. After he’d spilled everything he had to say to Sungyeol, he remembered he ordered a few more drinks before everything faded to blur. He blamed it at the sudden waves of emotions that took hold of him after Howon had left.

He was glad he said all he’d been wanting to say since he found out what Sungyeol’s name was. Indeed, he did not remember much from the conversation, but there was something that did not quite make sense to him and he was sure he remembered it right.

“You can stop apologising now, okay?” Sungyeol said out of the blue to interrupt Woohyun’s constant “I’m so sorry” and “sorry again”.

“I don’t think I can ever apologise enough, though.” Woohyun protested.

“Why would you apologise in the first place?” Sungyeol wondered, “Accidents like the one that happened to me happen every day. Two cars crash, people die. It happens. In the end it doesn’t matter whose fault it was. You weren’t even there that day.”

“How do you know that?”

“You find out about things like that through time.” Sungyeol smiled. “It wasn’t your fault and believe it or not, someone has been apologising to me all this time more than I could ever accept.”

When Woohyun awoke to the blissful silence of his flat the following afternoon, if he were to be honest, his head was in even worse state than it had been the previous night. It may have been due to the amount of alcohol he had drunk, it may have been because of Sungyeol as well.

 _Someone has been apologising to me all this time_ , he had said,  _more than I could ever accept._  Ever since he was a child, Woohyun had liked riddles and puzzles and everything that made him think. Sungyeol though, was a riddle he couldn’t find the answers for; when thought he got them, new question marks surfaced.

“And who that might be?” Woohyun asked after processing the words. He completely ignored the fact that his state had gone from ‘delightfully tipsy’ to something he didn’t have a name for, but people would probably call it ‘disgustingly drunk’; he had to ask the barkeeper what he was even drinking,

“It’s actually easy to find out, you’re just not in the right condition.” Sungyeol chuckled, helping Woohyun sit straight, inconspicuously slipping yet another sky-blue paper crane into his pocket.

“Why won’t you just tell me, you bastard?” Woohyun asked, wordlessly accepting the help he was receiving.

“I think you’ve had enough.” Sungyeol said then, changing the subject. “Let’s find a way to get you home. I think taxi’s going to be all right.”

Woohyun reluctantly got up from his stool, which was soon proved to be a bad idea as the ceiling suddenly turned out to be the floor and vice versa, left was right and out was in. Nonetheless, he didn’t fall down and instead soon breathed the night air as he found himself standing outside the bar.

“I think I spilled something on my jacket.” He muttered for himself, but loud enough for Sungyeol to hear.

He didn’t catch the smirk on the other’s face.

Before the taxi arrived, Woohyun managed to steady himself on his feet; it seemed as though the air chased some of the alcohol from his blood away. He glanced at Sungyeol who was rather impatiently staring at the road if there was a taxi coming.

“You know, this is the first time I see you not being calm.” Woohyun commented, observing the other’s legs moving back and forth in order to warm up the rest of the body.

“I’m perfectly calm.” Sungyeol answered, “It’s just bloody cold.” He added, eyes settling back on the not so busy road.

“Is it?” Woohyun uttered and without giving it a second thought he made two steps and wrapped his arms around Sungyeol’s waist from behind, resting his chin on his left shoulder. It seemed to have caught Sungyeol off guard, but Woohyun didn’t quite care at that moment. He felt the warmness spreading through his body; even Sungyeol relaxed after a few seconds.

“Thanks…” Woohyun started then, staring at the road with the other. “For today, I guess I needed to… you know. I needed this.”

“Glad I could help.” Sungyeol smiled. “The taxi’s here. Go home and sleep it out.” He said, unlocking Woohyun’s arms around his waist and sent the other off. “Don’t forget to empty the pockets before you wash it.” He called after him, motioning to the jacket and then went back inside the bar.

It was quite amazing how the memories kept coming without much trying, Woohyun thought. His actions made him blush a bit, though he didn’t regret anything. Before he went back to sleep, he swore he’d never drink in Sungyeol’s presence again.

The clouds were gathering above Myungsoo’s head. It was cold that day, it seemed as though it was going to snow soon. He wouldn’t wonder if it really started to; winters for the past few years always started in November and ended in March if not April.

He liked to come to the roof of the school where he met Woohyun for the first time whenever he was depressed, sad or just for the heck of it. The environment there reminded him of the good old times and managed to chase his problems away at least for a while. He breathed calmly as he sat on the edge and watched his legs dangle in the wind.

That afternoon though the thoughts about his troubles were reluctant to go, even for that little while. He blamed his mind for thinking too much about things that did not matter that much; sometimes he thought he was worse than a teenage girl thinking about her crush.

For the unfortunate state his mind found itself in, though, he naturally blamed Sunggyu too. He blamed him for the way his voice sounded in his ears, for the looks they were exchanging every now and then, for the tension that seemed to rise whenever they were alone.

Sunggyu was the cause of everything.

As he sat there, it was not the first time he thought of death. He was looking down and wondered how it was on the other side. Was there something at all? Was there paradise or purgatory? Every time he wondered, though, he thought he would find out one day sooner or later and he preferred the latter.

Sometimes though the pain his life gave him was strong enough to bring out the thought of leaving before his clock would tick out. A few times that happened he was ready to end it all, but then fear struck the back of his mind and kept luring him away from the edge until he did step off.

He didn’t know for how long he sat there, for how long he was chasing away his problems, for how long he was thinking, nonetheless he snapped back to reality when the cold started to creep under the layers of his clothes to his skin. His mind felt at peace by the time he was about to go, though; cleared out, empty and ready to think straight.

Only then did he notice how dark it got during the time he sat there; but then again, daylight in approaching winter barely lasted until five in the afternoon. He stood up, watching for a while how the lights in numerous windows of the city’s skyline were being turned on. He didn’t hear the footsteps coming towards him from behind.

One moment he was watching the city and the next he was falling down, to his death after being pushed by someone he caught a glimpse of when in shock he managed to turn and see the heinous grin spread across the stranger’s face.

Death was to come for him sooner than he thought, he guessed. Within those two seconds before he hit the ground, he was sure of one thing. He didn’t want to die yet.

Woohyun didn’t expect to wake just two hours later, but then he guessed, with his luck, he wouldn’t just sleep to get through the hangover, he had to be awake to feel it. His head was giving him hell and his stomach was sailing oceans. Reluctantly resigning to his fate, he got up and with slight difficulties he trudged to the fridge, aiming to prepare himself something edible to at least try to calm his stomach down.

Sadly enough, after returning from the custody there had not been much time to go grocery shopping and the only option left was probably a takeout order, which, just the mere idea of it, made Woohyun’s stomach twist in disgust. Satisfying himself with just a bottle of water, he plopped down on the couch, considering calling in sick for the day. Even he reckoned he was not in the right condition to work and honestly, he didn’t remember the last day he just lazed around.

As it is an unwritten rule, the laziness won as it always had and Woohyun was suddenly in a quick search for his phone. Having to think where he’d put it the previous night sent needles to his brain, but then again he guessed he still had it in his jacket just like the rest of his belongings. He reached out to get it from the armrest of the couch where he had carelessly thrown it the second he stepped in the flat after he’d returned from his very fruitful night out.

Going through all pockets, various items were falling out; a pen, bill from the bar, paper tissues, coins, crumpled papers, wallet and then there was his phone. He chuckled at the “how did I get home?” message from Howon before scrolling through his numerous contacts to find his secretary’s number.

_“Hello?”_

“Hello, Nana-ssi. I’m just calling to tell you that I will not be coming in today. I don’t really feel well and I wanted to ask you if you could take care of the business we were supposed to have at hand today.”

 _“You can consider that done, sir. Make sure to rest a lot so you can come back as soon as possible.”_  her voice was almost unnaturally sugary, but then again, Woohyun guessed, it had always been that way.

“What would I do without you?” he laughed, “Thank you, I’ll be back in tomorrow.” he added and ended the call.

Throwing his phone aside, he glared at the mess that came out of his pockets before deciding to clean it up. Among the papers, tickets, bills and coins he saw a blue paper crane and instantly wondered how it got there. In the end it didn’t matter much; he took it carefully as if it were to explode any second and observed it with great interest.

It didn’t seem as though there was anything special about it so he placed it on the coffee table and went to get rid of the garbage. Just as he was returning back to the couch, he saw his phone light up. Nana was calling him back. With absolutely no idea what could’ve happened, he just assumed there was something she wanted to ask about.

“Yes?” he answered the phone.

Little did he know that that phone call would chase laziness from his plans.

The unpleasant hospital smell hit his nostrils the moment he ran inside where Nana was already waiting for him. The blood in his veins had been cold since the call.

_ “Yes?” _

_“Sir, I… I think Myungsoo-ssi has just tried to commit suicide.”_

_Heart suddenly up in the throat, eyes stinging and oxygen nowhere in range, Woohyun didn’t answer. His brain couldn’t even process the words._

_“I was driving by a high school when I saw someone falling off the roof. I went to help immediately and called an ambulance… I’m just on my way to the hospital right behind the ambulance. I’m sorry, I thought you should know. Can you… Can you please come to the hospital? I don’t think I can do this alone.”_

_ _

She was fighting crying too, towards the end of her explanation, he could hear that. He hung up immediately after that and rushed to the hospital with a million of new questions screaming to be answered in his head. He saw her right away; face red and eyes puffy she was trying hard to cover it with her hair. Only when she saw him walk in did she let go of the messy locks, ruined by the weather and her tears.

He noticed she had blood stains on her shirt and the fact that it in all likelihood wasn’t her blood but Myungsoo’s made his heart beat twice its pace. Woohyun felt angry. At Myungsoo, at Sungyeol, at everyone who was ever going to keep anything from him; secrets, riddles. When he last saw Myungsoo it all seemed okay; the boy was no behaving out of the ordinary, was smiling, talking.

Woohyun didn’t understand anything and that was what was irking him to the point of nearly losing his sanity. He learned from Nana that Myungsoo had been fighting for his life for a while in the operating theatre; no one still knew anything.

“I’ve never seen so much blood in one place…” Nana confessed after a while of tense silence, “What if he doesn’t make it? What if I could have done something more?” she was trembling, arms wrapped around herself.

“You did all you could.” Woohyun replied; he didn’t know what else to say. “He has to make it so I can kill him after I get an explanation.”

He saw her smile a bit and he smiled too; after all if he cried or screamed, it wouldn’t get any better, Myungsoo would be no closer to living. He could smile at least, smile while there still was hope. He was clenching his fists in his pockets and for a split second he remembered the crane that was still sitting on his coffee table. However, there was temporarily no space for Sungyeol’s mysterious riddles in his mind.

Some questions were simply more urgent.

He clasped his hands together, mentally praying to whoever was trying to save Myungsoo’s life at that moment. No matter how much he stared at the automatic door that led to the theatre, it wouldn’t open.

Indeed, no one ever knows what is going on behind closed doors.

 


	11. Revealing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which truths come out from the dark.

It was getting worse.

His throat was not in a good condition and he could hear it in his voice. It was hoarse, raw, not clean, not as nice as it once used to be. Sighing, he put his guitar down and buried his face in his bruised hands. For someone like him, his voice was all he had.

Something was missing; it felt as though that  _something_  was that primary element holding him together from the inside. With every passing second, he felt the imaginary strings breaking.

Myungsoo’s face floating in front of his closed eyes was not making him feel any better. The face was so worn out, pale and lifeless and the eyes were brimming with tears and Sunggyu knew it was all his doing. He hated himself for what he had done to the younger all those years ago when they were both just crossing the line between puberty and adulthood. Back then, Sunggyu saw Myungsoo as someone broken, someone who needed a little help to be fixed.

Ironically, Sunggyu’s little help only led Myungsoo to become a cocaine-addicted, pathetic copy of that broken boy he used to be. It all started that night when they met for the first time when Myungsoo was getting beaten up by a group of wannabe-thugs that didn’t really look strong but the boy was unable to fight alone against the five of them.

Back there, Sunggyu felt a tiny urge to do some justice; normally he wasn’t the type to stick his nose into other people’s business. He ended up with a bruised shoulder and torn lip, but managed to help Myungsoo get away. He didn’t even think that the younger would become someone almost as dear to him as the drug he himself was back then already long addicted to.

“Are you okay?” Sunggyu asked, as soon as he was able to catch his breath.

The other looked rather irritated than grateful, though. “You didn’t have to.” He said monotonously, looking away immediately.

Sunggyu sneered in irony. So much for trying to be a good guy for once, he thought. “You looked like you needed help.” He stated dryly. “In fact, you still do.”

The other indeed looked as though he was about to pass out any second; shaking, pale, averting his gaze, bleeding. Underneath all that sweat and blood, Sunggyu could see the other was undeniably handsome; it almost made him want to stare. But the pain jolting from his shoulder and the blood oozing from his lip were reminding him not to get involved with the guy any more than necessary. It could cost him his life one day.

He was just going to help him and go away.

Help in his own way.

 

_“Anything broken?” he asked, when he received no reaction._

_The other just shook his head, “I don’t think so.” He said in a small voice, still avoiding Sunggyu’s gaze._

_“You know, I’m not going to interrogate you, but you look like you need to loosen up a bit.” Sunggyu said then and with slight difficulties, he began to search his pockets._

_Finally finding what he was looking for, he shook the tiny bag with small amount of fine white powder in it in front of the boy’s face; he instantly turned even paler._

_Noticing that, Sunggyu frowned. “Never taken anything?” he asked._

_“No.” the other responded right away. “And not going to.” He added._

_“Oh come on. You look like death, let’s be honest. I’m sure you feel even worse.” Sunggyu cooed, “Have some and you’ll be good.”_

_The boy then without saying anything got up and started walking away. Sunggyu chuckled at the sight of that. So much for trying to help him ease up, he thought._

_“If you change your mind, from time to time I sing at the bar down the road.” He called after him. He never turned back, but Sunggyu had this feeling that he’d change his mind and come see him._

_They all usually did._

__

And there he sat, in that bar down the road which he wished he never told Myungsoo about. He should have just left him with his troubles, he shouldn’t have been so selfishly trying to see that face again. All those years back, he didn’t know how much he’d regret calling after him even after his wordless leave.

All those years back, he made fun of all the anti-drug mass lectures they were given at school every year, but ironically he came to see their point probably unlike those who’d never touched anything. The goods he made by singing never really made him feel better; maybe a little from the start.

As time was going by, he’d grown weary of the constant fear of withdrawal symptoms striking if he had not taken his drug for a longer period of time.

Apart from Myungsoo, there were others who’d been enthralled by Sunggyu’s way of talking, breathing, convincing to see him again. Those, though, had never made him want to stop what he was doing; they just didn’t have that  _something_  that Myungsoo had. Myungsoo had managed to make him want to stop after Sunggyu was forced to see how much he had made him change. Sadly enough, by then it was too late for the both of them.

Sunggyu was a college dropout. School was something he had always been forced to; not by his parents, though, as they cared about school about as much as Sunggyu did, but his grandparents were annoyingly strict, pushing him to do something they were never able to accomplish themselves. Once he was fed up with the constant nagging, niggling and unnecessary comments on everything he did wrong, he simply dropped out and almost completely cut off contact with the remainders of his family. From time to time, though, he was getting birthday messages. Even on days different from his birthday.

The story of him coming to first use of drugs wasn’t something he was proud of; frankly, he wasn’t proud of anything he had done ever since he was born.

He was a waste of skin, of space, a pathetic excuse for a human being, an abomination. If there was anything worth of him, it was the voice.

But even that was running from him now.

“Good job.”

_“Thank you, sir.”_

All of a sudden, even through the phone, the voice sounded too full of itself to Dongwoo’s ear. He made a face and continued listening to the man. What he certainly couldn’t deny was that the job was well done, even better than expected.

_“Though, I do think there might be a problem, sir.”_

Dongwoo sighed. “What is it?” Petty problems, he thought; there was nothing that couldn’t be solved with a small amount of money given to the right people.

_“He saw me when I pushed him off that roof. I heard he hasn’t died yet, too.”_

It was ridiculous how scared the man suddenly sounded. Everyone was so selfish, Dongwoo himself was the most of them all.

“That’s all right. I didn’t even tell you to kill him, though of course it could have happened. Don’t worry too much, my friend, you’ll get away. Don’t forget who you’re working with.”

_“I know, it’s not like I don’t trust you, but you must understand… You have my life in your hands now.”_

“Good to know you’re aware of that too.” Dongwoo laughed, “I’ll call you again. If, by chance, Mr. Kim wakes up, remembers your face and the police come to you before my call, go with them and deny everything. I’ll get in touch.”

_“Understood. Thank you.”_

Dongwoo hung up then, smiling to himself. The fact that Myungsoo was not dead just yet would certainly add up to his credibility. Woohyun at least would see him as more trustworthy and if he were to be honest, he needed just that to reach his goals.

For a while he pondered whether or not to call Woohyun and pretend how deeply shocked he was once Woohyun would tell him the terrible news. He decided he was in no mood for putting up an act, though. Turning around in his leather chair, he faced the window. It was a nice day. Snowflakes would occasionally fly by, the sky was painted grey and it was undoubtedly freezing outside.

Sighing in content, he grabbed his phone again. He was certainly getting closer.

Woohyun stopped counting minutes after he’d gone a little over one hundred. The hospital corridor was so silent he was sure he could hear the patients breathing in their rooms; there was still no movement from the operating theatre, no sound, no hope. He was not even sure if he wanted only the good news, he just wanted something so he wouldn’t have to gasp for air in the tight, nerve-wrecking atmosphere in the corridor.

Nana had been staring blankly to space for over half an hour. The only movement there was were the nurses passing by from time to time. Woohyun himself had long given up on trying to figure out the reason of Myungsoo’s indeed strange behaviour. He had been thinking for hours, nothing made sense and all he got was headache.

“Oh my God.”

Woohyun jerked at the sudden intrusion of Nana’s voice. He looked over to her, seeing she was scrolling through something on her phone, one hand covering her mouth.

“What is it?” He asked, his voice coming out rawer than he thought it would.

“I’m sorry, sir… I just completely forgot I was long supposed to be taking care of the business at headquarters.” She replied, head bowed low. “I’ll get going immediately, although I do have a favour to ask you. Will you please let me know once the surgery is over? I still feel a bit responsible for the possible outcome.”

“You don’t have to go, though. The company won’t fall to dust just because neither of us will be there for one day.” Woohyun stated, secretly hoping she really wouldn’t go; he didn’t know how he’d handle the silence of the hospital alone.

“Thank you, but I’ll still go.”

Woohyun sighed, “Okay, do as you see fit. I’ll stay in touch, I promise.”

She bowed then and left. Once she was out of his hearing range, the corridor was once again embraced in tight sound of nothing. Woohyun started counting minutes again and he got a little over thirty-two when the door of the operating theatre opened and the doctors came out, all soaked in sweat with neutral looks on their faces.

His heart started to hammer its way out of his ribcage.

One of the doctors – a man, seemingly in his fifties – said a few words to his colleagues who then all left, leaving only him and Woohyun standing in the deserted corridor. Seeing the plain despair written all over Woohyun’s face, the doctor gave him a small smile, slowly approaching.

“Are you Mr. Kim’s guardian?” he asked.

“I…” Woohyun swallowed thickly; it was only then that he remembered  _he_  was the closest thing to a family that Myungsoo had. “Yes, I am.” He said, voice as firm as it could get.

“Very well. The surgery went all right, though we could not prevent the patient’s going into comatose state. Personally, I think you don’t have to worry.” He smiled, “The prognosis is good and I’m sure he’ll wake up after a few days.”

Woohyun felt as though there was someone lifting him off the ground; he felt extremely relieved even though it was a plain fact that nothing was over yet. He still deserved an explanation, but for the moment, the fact that Myungsoo was still there, breathing and alive, was satisfactory.

“Thank you, sir. So much.” He exhaled, smiling. When did the tears get into his eyes? “May I see him?” he asked then.

“I wouldn’t recommend it, but I guess ten minutes won’t hurt anyone. Follow me, please.” The man smiled widely and went on to the white labyrinth of the hospital.

Only then Woohyun realised the doctor’s smile reminded him of his father’s.

She looked still the same.

Even breathing, messy hair, pale face, unmoving body, closed eyes. The wound on her forehead was long healed, the bones that were once broken were good as new. Just her brain wasn’t waking up and letting him see her eyes open again.

She had aged. It was a bit sad; that the last time he saw her smiling at him was a little over ten years ago, in a car, when she was telling him to fasten his seatbelt. Him, her, his father and his brother. On their way to the countryside, to see his grandparents and taste their pancakes

But the car going in the other direction had ruined everything the second it smashed into them. He still heard his mother’s scream and saw the blood all over his brother’s face when he woke up to the sound of police sirens and a random man trying to wake him up. Sungyeol liked to think that his brother didn’t even have the time to wake up from his slumber before it was over.

It must have been so fast.

Both of his parents were already on their way to a hospital when he awoke at the scene. The paramedics still ushered him to the ambulance, quickly checking up on him; he had nothing broken, though, just a lot of scratches and bruises. He remembered he had cried so much after his parents and his brother who was being covered with white cloth just before his eyes.

Back then he didn’t understand, he didn’t know the accident would stick to his feet to such an extent for so long. His father had passed away on the way to the hospital; Sungyeol had been told later that he bled inside from too many places too fast. His mother survived, at least in a way.

Without hesitating, he was taken to the hospital where his mother was already being operated on. He remembered thinking that in that ambulance, the paramedics were suddenly all he had; his whole family was gone in a second, his world crashed down and was left on that road with what used to be their car. And so he had cried to their bright orange jackets loudly and mercilessly, unknowingly tearing their hearts out too.

It was much later that they told him it was Woohyun’s mother who was driving the other car.

The same Woohyun whom he first met at the police station about a week after the accident. The Woohyun who came there with his father and brother, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

Sungyeol never really blamed Woohyun’s mother for what had happened; after all, accidents happen all the time. It was proved that it was her fault, yes, and that triggered Woohyun’s immense remorse towards him. Sungyeol was unable to see what the other was thinking, but from time to time, it was so obvious he didn’t even need to know.

_What if there was something he could’ve done to stop her, what if there was something he could’ve done to prevent the car crash from happening. What if it all was his fault alone, because he could have done something, anything, to have stopped it._

Woohyun himself was just a child back then and Sungyeol knew there was no use for him to keep torturing himself with the constant what ifs. Sungyeol guessed that Woohyun’s mother must have had a reason to sit behind the steering wheel while being completely hammered; it was not like he cared much, though. It was over – it had been for over ten years -  and he thought he was better off without knowing the reason; sometimes just things were meant to stay hidden.

Woohyun’s mother had survived and was sent to an institution that was able to cure her of her addiction to alcohol and drugs. Sungyeol knew she’d held on for quite a long time, almost as long as ten years too, but he guessed that when in even such a long time one wasn’t able to rid oneself of whatever troubles one had, there was no cure. And so, after such a long period of time, she took her life.

He looked down on his mother’s serene face again. Somehow, he couldn’t imagine how she’d look if she opened her eyes right there; he was barely able how her smiling face looked all those years back. His mother’s family originally came from France but neither Sungyeol nor his brother resembled her much, except for the eyes. Sungyeol’s eyes were coloured in a deep dark blue shade, while his brother’s were more to the grey side.

Naturally, there was a limit – up to when he could keep his mother attached to all the machines that kept her going without the hospital requiring to pay for the stay – and naturally, it was late when he was able to return back. Nonetheless, his mother was staying in the hospital still.

He couldn’t think of  _anyone_  who would willingly be paying to keep his mother alive. He knew that mostly because of his father’s family’s strong conservative nature, his European mother was not really welcome in the family. He wanted to find the person who’d been paying the fees, to thank them, to at least begin to pay it all back; but he had no string to hold on, no clue to help.

Until one day, the man found him himself.

Sungyeol was immensely grateful and kept in touch with the man ever since.

He chuckled when he remembered how Woohyun was trying to figure out who was the person ‘who’d been apologising to him all that time’.  _Cute_ , he remembered thinking; undeniably though, Woohyun was smart enough to figure it out. Even Sungyeol found it hard at first, but when he came to know the man’s identity, it made sense. It actually even made him believe true love existed through the good and the bad and even the really bad.

Smiling lightly, he best to kiss his mother’s forehead and when he stood straight again, he placed a crane on her nightstand.

“I’m almost there, mum, just wait a while more. It’s going to be over soon.”


End file.
